What if we have to stop?

After reading yesterday's assignment, Syr asked me to write about how I would communicate a need to stop, if something we were doing that was new (or even if it wasn't) was becoming a 'bad' feeling instead of a good feeling.

We don't currently have safewords of any kind in place. That said, we are committed to each other and have spent enough time with one another that I am confident that Syr could and would sense true distress if I were experiencing it.

But, a very real dilemma could be that sometimes, when I am 'little' (in subspace to one degree or another), communication can be difficult for me and I think this is where Syr's concern might lie.

I also have some stigma in my own head related to safewords. In a way it feels like 'giving up' and so I hate to use them. I prefer to function on trust.

However there are some things that I'd like to play with more, that perhaps Syr would as well which are edgier, and require us both knowing that I can communicate my feelings to Her especially in the event that I feel frightened, unsafe, wierded out, etc.

So, what i wanted to talk about was what happens in my head when a pleasant or 'good' sensation whether it's psychological or physical becomes an unpleasant one.

The first reaction I have (desired or not) when something goes 'bad' in a scene, interaction, or activity is that I pop out of little-space instantly. It isn't a slow pull out, it's immediate. It can be very startling but is very clear.

I can think of some specific examples...

When in subspace I can find it hard to safeword when pain gets too intense... sometimes because I can still handle it... sometimes because I want to push through to that better (albeit darker) place.

But one time, when in a very deep subspace with my former Master, I was experiencing a flogging. A few falls from the heavy flogger wrapped too high on my shoulder, around my neck and it hurt in that really bad way and I *shouted* "red" (very angrily I might add).

My headspace was shattered and once that happened I was able to VERY aggressively let Him know that I was *done*.

There have been other instances, a pinch that hit just the wrong way... a flogger strike or cane strike that went awry...

In more pscychological or mental or mind-fuck styles of play the reaction is the same. When something goes bad, subspace is broken. It can be startling, but the good news is that once that headspace is broken, I *can* and *will* communicate my need for the scene or activity to end.

The communication barrier ceases to exist when I need things to stop.

In addition to that, the communication between Syr and I is very very good. I am comfortable talking to Her about topics I used to shy away from. There is very little that I could say to Her that even makes me pause or hesitate... knowing that means I feel confident that if we are doing anything that turns out to be less pleasant than we would imagine it to be, that we could communicate that to each other.

~alena