Sunday, June 28, 2015

New uses for furniture...

So since yesterday, Syr has discovered several new uses for furniture. :-/

It began, yesterday, when I sweetly asked for a flogging. Syr and I only have one small leather flogger in our possession. (Note: I have plans to make a thuddy rope one soon).

Syr has a fondness for beating my bum. But, for some reason, I asked her where she wanted to focus (hoping for back/shoulders but having difficulty communicating it). Syr, in all of her wise intuitiveness said, "I'm thinking about your upper back and shoulders. Haven't done that area in a while". And I wiggled happily. So, she decided to sit me in my pink armless office chair, facing the back. This seemed like genius, except it is a wheeled chair which makes it easy to wiggle away from the ouchies. ;)

Syr loved it because she just sat back on the couch, wheeled me right up to her, and got to swing at my back and shoulders. I liked having some support in front of my chest - reminded me a bit of the olden days when I'd get beaten on saint andrew's crosses and spanking benches and things. :)  I forgot how nice it was to have something to lean my weight into while I'm getting hit with impact things. :)

And then as she pulled me closer and my bum wiggled further to the end of the chair, she noticed how things were, well.. ahem... lining up.

Next thing I know, she's off to the bedroom and comes back, strapping Ripper (for those not in the know, Ripper is her very textured cock - and my very favourite that we've ever had).

So she gets herself all cozy on the couch and pulls the chair right up, lines things up and .... the next thing I know, I'm being sorta reverse-cow-girl fucked while my Owner flogs my back. Can you say yum?

Every few strikes, she'd grab my hips and pull me back into her, hard.  It was almost too many different types of stimulation all at once, though. But there was something really lovely about just feeling her cock in me WHILE she flogged me.

After a bit, she stood up and had me face the back of the couch, knees on the seat, hands on the wall, and drove into me from behind... rather viciously (yum!!) again.... digging her nails into the flesh on my hips.... then grabbing the nylon collar around my neck with one hand and my hair in the other and using those spots as leverage (oh my word). It was... really hot.

Really. Hot.

I couldn't walk for a good twenty minutes. We learned that the chair on wheels made an amazing aftercare tool. Syr wrapped me up in towels and put me sideways on the chair and pulled me real close for snuggles and pets and water and all the good things.

Then.... today....

I got home after some morning work, and when I came home I had chores to do - putting away dishes and folding a giant pile of laundry and I was feeling a bit cranky about it. SO, instead of turning into a megabrat,  I decided to ask Syr if she wanted to warm my bum back up.

Well... rather... I sorta hovered near her and wiggled my bum and she said "How's your back" and I said "it's okay.........but I can't really feel it..." (referring to yesterday). And then she said "do you want me to warm it back up for you?" and I was all like "YES PLEASE" and so she cocked an eyebrow and said, "okay then get me the crop and the red thing" and I was halfway to the bedroom to fetch them when she said "wow, you really DO need it, don't you?" and THAT is when I realized that normally if she suggested the red thing I'd have run for the hills - but even THAT sounded nice... ;) So anyway, I DID come back with the crop, the red thing, AND the flogger because.... reasons.

Syr pointed at the floor and told me to drag over the footstool. I knew what she wanted - easy access to the sweet spot....  so I tossed a pillow down for my knees and used the foot stool/ottoman to support my chest/ribs/belly and... voila... instant spanking bench!! I had lots of support and Syr had all the access to my sweet spot she needed... and she still got to sit on the couch.  Heh.

She gave me the most DELICIOULY thorough beating, then. Flogged on my upper back and shoulders, flogged on my bum, spanked, the crop (tip), the crop (cane-style), the red thing (which by comparison to the crop started to feel almost thuddy), and the flogger...  And she spent lots of time on warmup, so I got all the endorphins going so that by the end she could use her WHOLE ARM SWING with the flogger and oh my god, the heat on my bum was so wonderful.... and so needed.

After that, I just floated into the bedroom to fold the laundry.

Now that's a win/win if you ask me.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Happy Daddy's Day, Daddy!!!

Today is Father's Day. And, history has shown that "fathers" have kinda been a hit or miss thing in my life. Not reliable. Not safe. Not unconditional love. All the things that "fathers" are supposed to be aren't things I had in my life. So, Father's Day as a 'day' has always been really problematic. Difficult.

But one person has always made me feel safe: my Daddy.

So, this morning, I woke up feeling grateful for such a loving dominant Daddy in my life. I feel safe and protected. I feel held. I feel loved. Unconditionally.

Yes, Daddy often challenges me. She demands my best. But always her guidance is about what's in my best interest, truly. But she loves me with her whole heart. She doesn't just tell me what to do, she leads me. She makes me feel treasured.

I love my Daddy with all of my heart and soul and am so very grateful to have her in my life.

Happy Daddy's Day, Daddy!

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Be careful what you wish for.....

Raise your hand if you're surprised by the title of today's post.

Mmhmm. I didn't think so. ;)

Not that I'm complaining.

Since reading my post (and really, already before then a wee bit), Syr has been beating me on the regular and I've been soaking it up like a thirsty little spongey girl.

Since she's not feeling all that well, She's sorta bypassing any semblance of a warm-up and being rather efficient about it. Which, in the moment, is super hard because my pain threshold is low without a warmup and much, much higher with one - and I suppose that's the point of efficiency eh?

In any case, my bottom has lots of pretty marks all over it, some of which I can still feel just the tiniest bit if I wiggle just right.

Since my last post, Syr has given me...

  • a harsh but efficient beating with both the crop and the nerf bat (which left my bum more unscathed than Syr would have preferred)
  • an even harsher delivery of blows later that day with the evil red thing (which looks a lot like this - but plastic and red, and it DID leave some marks Syr was happy with). Also. Ow. 
  • a not-so-tender fucking with the glass cock (which looks a bit like this) and the Hitachi Magic Wand until I came so many times I basically passed out (briefly). 
  • A couple ruthless smacks with the evil red thing followed by 30 not-so-gentle blows with the flogger.
  • A short and nice delivery of bare handed to bare-bottom blows right before bed last night.
We're  both much more relaxed when She keeps me in this permanent state of littleness and I am adoring that feeling. So... happy slavegirl here!

Annnnnd She gave me permission to buy 6 months of support account at Fetlife even though our disposable income is... well.. kinda nonexistent at the moment. *purr*  Now if I could only figure out how to navigate videos to find the spanking and caning and other bdsmy vids in and around all the blowjob and other vids. *pout* Fetlife videos need a search feature and tags or categories or something! LOL

Update again soon!


Monday, June 08, 2015

Craving drops. Big ones.

The last few days, I've realized I've been craving, like hard-core craving.... big drops. Huge. The kind that leave me shaking and crying and not knowing which way is up. Scary drops.

Plummets.

I didn't realize how hard until, last night before bed, Syr threatened me with a wooden spoon and I admitted I wanted it.

I turned and held onto the counter and, even though spoons are stingy and stingy is not my favourite, I found myself feeling almost frustrated that it wasn't harder... hurting more. Then Syr broke the spoon on my ass. And I was still wanting.... craving.

She got a new spoon and continued. I had some lovely sting and it helped settle my energy some. But still... wanting.

I woke up this morning and found myself feeling little but still craving, Shortly after getting out of bed, I was playing with the puppies on the floor (so I was already on hands and knees) and - as if reading my mind, Syr came over, placed her foot on my back and pressed me down... then Her foot on my  head, really mashing my forehead into the ceramic tile and in that moment what I thought was...

"Ow." and "Yum".

Since when did the painful pressure of forehead against ceramic tile feel so good? When she stopped and put Her foot in front of me and asked me to kiss it, I got literal shivers. This isn't Her style usually. But this sampling of harshness was.... delicious.

After this little interaction, Syr used the crop and the nerf bat on me. And though many of the strikes felt really hard and really stingy, and one made me semi-spontaneously roll over to (oh-so-briefly) hide my stinging bottom, I still knew that if She'd asked if I wanted more I'd have screamed yes in my head (though out loud would probably say "i dunno...." because I have such a hard time admitting in the moment what I REALLY want).

I know what it is about, really.

Syr's going through some medical stuff right now. Nothing "serious", but stuff that requires that She be looked after and that I be, well, the grown up making sure the things that need to get done, get done. And while all of that can be very slave-like and service-like and that part is all good, there is a feeling of me needing to be in control due to the circumstances. Not that I'm craving control, quite the opposite.

I have many triggers from past childhood stuff around medical stuff/illness. It's complicated. But I have been worried about my Owner lately, even though I know it's nothing serious. Even though I know that it will probably all be over in a few weeks at most. It is still clear that I must be grown-up and responsible and make sure She is taken care of.....

And I'm more than capable of doing that.

However, I do tend to get some anxiety around it. I'm pretty sure it's fear-based, insecurities, worries manifesting themselves. In part, I look to Her to be the Daddy and the Big Cheese and the One In Charge - and She still is, even though She's not feeling well. Logically I know that.

But emotionally, or more viscerally, I just am craving the reminders. And right now that craving is coming to the surface in the form of craving intense/harsh physical sensation and intense/harsh psychological/verbal interactions. Because these things make me feel safe. And there are a lot of life things in addition to Syr's medical concerns that have been making me feel unsettled/ungrounded lately.

All of that aside, though, truly..... what matters the most is what Syr needs to get through this medical stuff.

She needs to be able to rely on me - both to be there in a physical way but also to keep my shit together emotionally because this really isn't the time for Her to have to take on my shit.

I want to be reliable and steadfast and not let my worries and fears get in the way of being the kind of slave, wife and little girl that She  needs.

It seems that the sweet spot in accomplishing these goals is

A: being honest with myself and with Her about where I'm at (trigger-wise/emotionally) so that there are no nasty surprises for either of us.
B: not being afraid to ask for a little ass-reddening
C: staying mindful (as always)
D: being honest about my fears and not pretending they aren't there.

Truthbomb: Her being in the ER/Hospital three different times in 7 days really shook me up. Suddenly I was asking myself that question that I ask every once in a while....  what would I do if I lost Her?

The answer is scary. I don't know that I could survive it. She is my whole world. My Universe. She's my Daddy and my Owner and the greatest love of my life - a love I never knew I could even have. Even the briefest imagining of what my life would look like without Her - shakes me. Big time.

So I can put two and two together and realize that the harshness and drops I'm craving have so much to do with wanting to feel and connect with her strength and power and vitality on a visceral physical level. To FEEL Her "okayness".

yes.

I crave Her hands on me and Her cock in me and my nails dragging down Her back.
I crave being thrown to the ground and fucked ruthlessly so I will feel raw and achey for days.
I crave Her teeth against my skin.
I crave Her hand over my mouth and nose stealing my breath for longer than I think I can handle.
I crave hair pulling, not the nice kind, the kind that hurts and brings stinging tears to my eyes.
I crave the harshest, stingiest face slaps.
I crave Her fists pounding into my the sweet spots on my ass and Her flogger on my back so hard that they leave bruises I can poke at.
I crave sting and thud and controlled, deliberate fear.
I crave blood and welts
and tears
and surrender.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Feeling energy shifting

So much has been happening in life lately - necessary things, adventures, personal growth and big big big change.

But one thing hasn't changed - I still belong to Her and I always will. When everything around you is swirling around and uncertainty is around every corner, knowing something is solid can be the difference between standing tall or crumbling to the ground.

I'm still standing.

And that's because, regardless of my physical position, I'm still kneeling. Always. Forever.

Hers.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Trying to find my groove

I function best on a schedule....

And I think I might FINALLY be starting to figure out my current one. It's taking a lot of flexibility - something I'm notoriously bad at, but I am learning - more out of necessity then anything.

I'm starting to learn which tasks should be prioritized and which ones can be put off. And then there's some tasks that I can't seem to find my groove on. So it's definitely a work in progress.

The biggest thing I'm still figuring out is balancing work and chores. It's not that there's too much, it's that I tend to get very tunnel visioned and do entirely one or the other - and I understand from Syr that if I'm going to do that, I should focus on work first - which definitely makes sense.

Now, I'm starting to interrupt some of that tunnel vision to get some chores done again, but it's not back up to the standard it was when we first moved here so I know I have some more work to do.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

A change in perspective...

The day before yesterday, my Owner was having one of those days where her body was just sore. She was having a bad knee day, and her shoulder's been bothering her.

We'd had a short argument, or rather more accurately - a few minutes of tension which dissolved rather quickly, all things considered.

Shortly after, as Syr was still in her work clothes, I offered to remove her belt for her. She put her hands in her pockets and just looked at me with that "go ahead..." look. And so I locked eyes with her as I slowly unbuckled and then removed her belt, looping it and handing it to her as I turned to place both hands on the counter, sticking my bottom out rather enticingly.

Syr obliged with first a couple and then many more expertly delivered strikes to my backside with her belt, something that's always made me weak-kneed. Afterward, I asked her if she wanted to see her handiwork.... and she tugged my pants and panties down, revealing my reddened bottom. Running her nails along my sensitive skin, pinching, grabbing, and delivering a few stinging bare-handed slaps.

And then she took my hand and led me to the bedroom.... and I knew she was going to fuck me.

She strapped her cock on and then pulled those sexy blue jeans back on.....  she stood in front of me and pulled me close, pulled my mouth onto her cock. Something I've always loved to do, but something that used to make me feel... powerful... yet somehow I felt.... taken and submissive more than I felt powerful. She knows how much I love to suck her cock, and knows it's her with all the power.... and so I gave into that.

She pulled away and beckoned me to the bed, but I hesitated.  As sexy as all of this was, I was legitimately concerned for her body and checked in - wondering if it was really going to be okay with her knee and shoulder and so on. She got this evil twinkle in her eye and I knew she had a plan.

And.... yes... she did.

She sat on the bed, me standing in front of her.... and calmly told me that I was going to ride her.

.....

Oh.

See, in the past that was only something I did occasionally and when I did I often felt rather... um... power trippy?  But, suddenly, I got very little and nervous and worried and shy. I didn't know how I felt about being on top! I was in a subbie head space and not exactly sure how it'd feel to be on top...... but it was clear I didn't have a choice.

Syr laid back and I wanted to bury my face in her chest and hide.... but she pulled me on top of her. And soon her cock was inside me and there I was... naked and moving on top of her, feeling the rough denim of her blue jeans against my sensitive bottom, feeling her hands on me..... and I got quickly lost.

I'd never imagined I could feel so little and so NOT in control while on top! She touched and held me, pulled me close, kissed me, took my breath, told me when I must stop and when I could move. And it ended up being not only incredibly hot but unlike anything I'd ever experienced.

Sometimes it stuns me how the things that used to make me feel like I had all the power, now seem to be the things that make me feel the most deliciously powerless.

Something tells me that we'll be playing that game again before too long...