Conflict: Identifying when an 'issue' must be addressed right then.
Whoo boy!! This is a biggie, eh?
Bringing an "issue" to Syr's attention. Right away. Versus ... well.. anything BUT right away. This is something i'm not sure I've made any progress on - or even an issue that's been on my radar for a long time, but it IS relevant to some recent not-so-hot moments I've had recently.
Something happens that ... annoys me or feels somehow unfair... and I have the very bad habit of wanting to mention it RIGHT THAT SECOND, sometimes (often?) bringing an entire conversation to a screeching halt to do it.
Which - hardly screams "respect".
Ages ago, years maybe, Syr pointed out that not every issue or perceived slight needs to be addressed right that moment - but that doesn't mean it need NEVER be addressed. It just means sometimes it's about timing, and also about taking that step back to figure out what is important and what isn't - what things are urgent enough to be addressed on the spot and which things could be reserved for another time.... or which things maybe don't need to be addressed at all.
I tend to react in the moment without taking time to think. This is definitely something that I find to RARELY be helpful or productive.
I really want to get better at this... at taking that step back. This is an area where I feel like I have a TON of room to grow.
GROWTH IN SERVICE:
Allowing for normal human emotion
Grumpy vs. angry, indirect vs. passive aggressive
Aim for at least a 60/40 split with Listening vs. Talking
How “mentally preparing” for next point interferes with listening
Explaining reasoning does not negate/erase feelings
Ask, don’t tell Owner what Her feelings are
Waiting for the answer after asking a question
Accepting the answer given as the only sane choice
How not doing these things invalidates Owner’s feelings/emotions
The Reminder: “Who Owns Who?”
The purpose of the reminder, why was it necessary?
Understanding the risk Owner is taking in doing the reminding
Taking a moment to be grateful
Pause and reflect on behaviour – in line with protocol?
“Stop” – Respecting Owner’s boundaries/need for space
Hearing & respecting the first time (always an order)
Thinking / Understanding
Seeking reassurance – appropriate time and place
Resolving conflict productively
Assigning blame - why?
“I’m sorry” versus processing / expressing remorse
Trusting Owner to apply correction when required
Post-conflict self-abuse (mental/verbal/physical) = lack of trust
Service and Mindfulness
Can one exist without the other?
Ways to cultivate mindfulness
Identify your intentions
Continual removal of conflicting thoughts
Service to Owner as service to self
What qualifies as an order
Who judges whether a request is important?
Recognition/Reward – want vs. need
The positive effects of obedience
Being aware of Owner’s needs & desires
Offering vs. Being asked
Identifying, Understanding, & Banishing fear with trust
Practice, Practice, Practice
Avoidance & Anxiety
Identify the block / inner objection
What’s driving it
Working within self-expectations
Desired level of service vs Minimum level (keeping it realistic)
Trusting Owner to decide what is/is not an acceptable level of service
Identify the pleasure - Service to Owner as service to self
Keeping focus when receiving direction
Maintaining focus when responding
Looking at vs. looking through
Hearing the correction
Understanding the correction
Responding and offering gratitude for the Correction
What the hell for?
Understanding the service your Top provides
You probably need it – even if you disagree.
Neuro-Elasticity vs. Samskaras
The joy of sticking with it
Processing “negative” emotions
Identifying uncomfortable emotions
Examining the root – why is it so uncomfortable?
What is the fear - what’s the worst that could happen?
What to do with these emotions
Is it necessary to express verbally?
Productive ways to do so
Identifying coping mechanisms / Ways to process productively
The discipline of focus
Motivating self through reflecting on success
Learning to follow
Identifying what the fear is
Remembering to trust
Being flexible and open minded as service
Being comfortable without a plan / Spontaneity
Creating false objections to stay in ‘safe zone’
Letting go and letting Owner be in charge
Identifying when struggle for control is the root
Asking for help when needed
Identifying smaller achievements
Remembering smaller achievements
Rewarding smaller achievements (bidirectionally)
Mindfulness of Tone / Voice
LISTENING: Learning to unfilter verbal information
Identifying the filter
Acknowledging the obstacle
Listening to precise language
SPEAKING: Learning to unfilter verbal information
Identifying the filter / desire to spin
Acknowledging the obstacle
Remaining open to response
Giving a straightforward answer
Avoidance and defensiveness
Answering a question with a question
Interactions with others
Tone used with terms of endearment, use of first name
Walking / Travelling
Food & Beverage
Family Leisure time
Public – kinky/private settings
Addressing Owner – Syr, Daddy, my Owner
Desire vs Need
Accepting answers/responses – with trust
Food & Beverage Service
Providing sensual service
Removal of intensity / impulse to drive a scenario
How expectation removal allows for full immersion in scene