Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Accountability

Recently, I had a bit of a wake up call. A lesson about accountability.

Syr had established certain protocols around business. Things I was expected to do. And for the most part, I thought I was doing them.

But in reality, I wasn't. I was giving them a "nod". But I wasn't really integrating them or taking them truly to heart.

So we had a big talk that had a big impact on me, and I made some changes - suggested by me. Changes that would implement some direct accountability - self-reported by me.

And, already, I can feel a huge shift in the energy around these tasks. More accountability has turned out to be an enormously helpful thing - for both of us.

So, today, I'm basking in productivity, knowing that I accomplished far more because I am being accountable.

Sometimes service is more than kneeling and chores. Sometimes it's also about following through - and doing what I say I'm going to do.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Simple service

Sometimes, simple service looks like....

Making sure a nice dinner makes its way to the table...

And that you spoil Daddy with a DECADENT chocolate cake.

;)

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Foreplay

Yesterday, when I got home for a bit of down time before having to go out again, things started to get heated between us - in the sexy way, that is.

And something about the way She was touching me. Stroking my face, kissing my neck, biting my neck. It felt... strong. She doesn't touch me in this hesitant way - as if I am delicate. But She can touch me gently, so gently. Her touch ... was all I was craving. 

And then one of us realized. We were doing that whole "foreplay" thing.... something that we often can't be bothered with, not necessarily out of laziness because hard and fast and intense and powerful and strong just seems to be our way - the thing that gets me really going. 

But not this time. This time I was melting into every kiss and every touch. Which is not to say that what was to follow was going to be all softness and romance and gentleness. Because what fun would that be? ;)

As things heated up, Syr made a playful comment about how nice it would be to have my hands tied overhead. We have an awesome bed setup, but one thing it does not have is anything even remotely like a tie down point. Not even a bed frame. It's a high, foamy mattress but no bedframe, no headboard... nothing. So I teased back that we were hardly set up with furniture that would allow Her to do that. She smirked. I had to go deal with the dogs briefly and when I came back...

She was playing with rope.

In less than 5 minutes, She had a system rigged up and me on the bed, cuffed and tied spread-eagle!

What followed was.... mind-blowing, to say the least. 

She teased me with feathers. She touched me. She fucked me. And then She rigged the Hitachi Magic Wand up, propping it against my clit.... and I came again and again and again and again - all while bound.

When She FINALLY turned the wand off and pulled me in close to hold me, I remember not being able to move my hands. Like at all! She'd turned me totally limp-wristed!! I was out of it. I couldn't move. I felt.... done. And in all the good ways I wanted to be done.

We had a little bit of time to snuggle and then it was time to get up, get bathed and dressed and ready for somewhere I had to be.

I think I'm STILL floating, today. 

And to think... it began with good ol' fashioned super-sexy foreplay... 

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

What gratitude looks like

Today, I was talking to a friend - and during that conversation was reminded of a couple extremely pivotal times in my relationship and marriage with my Owner.

Twice, since becoming Hers, I have lost the right to wear Her collar. Two times. And we came very, very, very close to a third - that third - had it occurred, would have been permanent, I am pretty sure.

It's hard for me to think of these times. Syr never holds them over my head in any way. Rather, one time, not long ago, She mentioned that almost third time in passing... and just hearing it mentioned felt like a knife twisting in my stomach.

But the reality is that, in an odd way, I am thankful for that momentary pain. I wasn't in the moment. But I am now.

These reminders of how easy it is to get careless, to lose something so dear and precious to me, help keep me grounded in the gratitude of the present.

Syr has this little game She likes to play. Usually when I am being (playfully) grumpy about something. Or when She asks me to do something that in that moment is particularly unpleasant - and always in a teasing way. She'll prompt me... "Thank you for the opportunity to serve you, Syr."  And I'll brat and avoid and eventually begrudgingly say it - and this little game is all in fun and, not to worry, no genuine displeasure on either of our parts takes place.

But I was thinking about that, today. And about the times I've lost that opportunity.

I have had to work very, very hard to get to this place. And by this place, I mean a place where, most days I genuinely feel I deserve to be my Owner's slave. That I've truly earned this. I revel in small opportunities to serve. I like keeping Her home in good order. I like preparing meals. I like finding little ways to make things extra special. But that good feeling I get from service, wouldn't be there... at least not to the same degree... if I hadn't worked hard to get here. I truly believe that.

I think that in order to truly appreciate what you have, sometimes you have to lose (or almost lose) it.

Gratitude isn't just about appreciating. It's also about honouring how you got there.

So yes. I am immensely grateful for the opportunity to serve.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Lazy Service

So apparently the holidays breed laziness. My service and protocols have absolutely slipped over the last couple of weeks. Writing? Bad. Protocols? Spotty. Chores? Inconsistent. Service mindset? MIA.

A new year and a new opportunity to refocus on my schedules and rituals.

Today that means catching up on laundry, the vacuuming, and steam mopping the floors. It also means (as you is clearly obvious) - writing.

I don't feel ashamed of myself - because beating myself up about stuff like this usually leads to overcompensating which leads to intensity which leads to making Syr unhappy/cranky/frustrated. Rather, I think I am just feeling "noticing". I'm noticing that some things have slipped. I think that's good. And mature. And healthy.

SO, in that way - we're all good. And on that note, I better get to work. <3

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

Cold fridge attitude adjustment

I greeted Syr today...

Kneeling.

Topless.

Holding one of the collars I can wear in the privacy of our home.

Syr seemed to like that.

Later, as I helped Her put away groceries and prep for dinner, She decided She wanted to press my back against the stainless steel of the fridge.

Being that I've been practicing Yoga for almost 15+ years, I'm pretty flexible so my butt was against the fridge but I was backbending like crazy to keep the majority of my back against the fridge...

Then I started to feel a little smug about said flexibility.

So She looked me in the eye and made it clear that bratty time was over. So I let my back get pressed against the fridge, squealing from the cold while Syr pinned my wrists over my head.

Then She chuckled....

And turned me around and pressed my WHOLE FRONT against the fridge. Which, She explained, was because I'd tried to avoid getting my back pressed against it. After a few very contrite apologies, She let me back away from the cold metal.

Lesson learned.


Monday, December 01, 2014

Submissive Advent - Day 1

I signed up to receive the daily advent emails from Luna at Submissive Guide this year. I thought it would be fun to see what kind of prompts/activities come up since I am focusing on my submission as it is.

Today's activity is to extract two lines from Shakespeare's Sonnet 57 that speak to me and reflect upon them throughout the month as mantra.

Being your slave what should I do but tend
Upon the hours, and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend;
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world without end hour,
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour,
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are, how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love, that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill.

I will be honest and say that while the sonnet as a whole spoke to me sweetly, However, when trying to decide which lines to extract that felt personally meaningful to me, I had a hard time. So I'm going to extract two parts and write about what they make me think/feel. I'll reflect upon them a bit throughout the month but they're not quite right for me to use as mantra.

I decided on this part:
Being your slave what should I do but tend
Upon the hours, and times of your desire? 

This speaks to the idea that I was discussing with Syr not that long ago that I'd stumbled upon through someone else's writing - that one shouldn't spend more than $20 or 20 minutes on an activity intended to be of service without first finding out if that activity is truly making one's Owner's life better (IE is something that Owner wants). Good point. Sometimes I have wasted hours agonizing over things that I want to do to make Syr's life better that Syr could care less about - which ultimately means that time is wasted (from a service perspective). So I'm trying to pay attention - to what She actually wants/needs or check in if I'm not sure.

And this one:
I have no precious time at all to spend;
Nor services to do, till you require.

I think this speaks to priorities. If I am engrossed in something that I'm doing and Syr asks something of me - to make Her a tea or take the dogs out or whatever. She is not interrupting me. Rather, any other activity I'm doing is simply intended to fill space between when I am needed. That's what this line makes me think of. But not in a bad totally focused on Her to unhealthy (for me) levels - in a, "hey, remember your place when your Owner requires your services or attentions" kind of way. Sometimes I'll feel momentarily disgruntled if I'm interrupted or if something doesn't go according to the "plan" in my mind. If I remember that 1st priority is service (in the day to day activities category) and 2nd category is random internet or video games or tv or reading or whatever - then I get better as a slave.