Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Asserting Her Ownership

Hmm, this whole asserting Her ownership more often thing is interesting. It's good and it's tough but it's mostly good.... and tough.

She's pulling rank on a lot of little things that She never used to. It's giving me pause, reminding me to check myself and.... to some degree bringing in a bit of testing. It sounds twisted, and I am fairly confident there's few who would agree with me, but the testing (to me) is a good sign. I'm feeling these new boundaries out - getting to know where they are, how close they're squeezing in on me and She's holding strong. The fact that I'm finding myself subconsciously testing means that I'm taking these changes seriously - not just seeing them as a phase.

A couple of times already this week, I have been in a ornery mood. I've been grumpy (read: hormonal) and touchy and a couple of times could have easily really gotten going on picking a fight. But She didn't hesitate to remind me that She owns me and I'm not allowed to do that and it nipped it in the bud.

This evening, after work, I had another such moment, and in hindsight it was clear that Syr was at least a little pissed off or grumpy about it and She didn't immediately or obviously assert Her Ownership but I still paused and checked myself - and I credit that pause to the more frequent reminders in general that are keeping my submission closer to the forefront of my mind.

I'm still in observation mode, to a degree, and still figuring out what this will mean for us long-term, but I'm liking the freedom that these new boundaries are providing me.

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