The heart of my slavery

As my mind wandered today at lunch, I found myself thinking about how I personally define slavery. It was one of those wandering thoughts sort of moments, so it was sort of like being in a 'thought bubble' where words popped into mind..... and the words that came to mind first were...

devotion....

loyalty....

and surrender.

I started thinking about what those things mean to me. Devotion is simple, at least for me. It's either there, or it isn't. And with my Owner, it's there - and plenty of it. 

This morning, while I was listening to the radio, a song came on about doing anything for the one you love. And it occurred to me, in that moment, that for my Owner, I really would. Like really and truly. 

Maybe that seems like a no brainer, but until that moment, the reality of that had never really hit me. But it did this morning. I really would do anything for Her. Anything. Sometimes I have to really WORK at doing things that I need to do to improve for Her. But that devotion I feel right down to my tippy toes? That is the driving force.

Yes, I love my Owner with all my heart. But it's devotion that gives me the drive to never give up, to try harder.... to do more. To put in the effort. Every day.

Loyalty.... I got thinking about this one too.

I may not like confrontation - but I stand by my Owner. And no one better try to mess with Her. Period.

Surrender, ah that's the one that sounds the sweetest, but - in reality - is the absolute hardest.

When I succeed, it's magic. Actual magic. Powerful. Sizzling. Soft. Overwhelming. Complete.

But it isn't easy. It is about more than just softening when Syr presses me against the wall. It's about more than jumping up right away to fetch Her tea when She asks for it.

It's about softening when my instincts (and my difficult past) want me to fight. It's about letting go of control when I want to hold onto it the most. It's about trusting that even when I feel insecure, I can know that I'm safe and held and that She's in the driver's seat and everything will be okay. It's about shutting up when I want to yell and listening when I want to talk. 

So yes... surrender.

Surrender...devotion... loyalty... and of course love - all of these are at the heart of my slavery.