Saturday, June 18, 2016

Slave Journal

So, I've been listening to the Erotic Awakenings Podcast with Dan & Dawn lately...

When I heard on my podcast, the idea of a "slave journal", I was intrigued. Especially because what caught my attention about the podcast was that it wasn't about the slave at all. ;) I've kept journals for my Owner since forever... journals of self-reflection available for them to see/read. I've always done that and it's served a wonderful purpose - but it's one focused on me - my growth. It's valuable and helpful. But I have never had a slave journal that was focused on service... on my Owner.

So when I heard the podcast describe what a slave journal means to them - and how they use it, I was *captivated*. The idea is that the slave keeps a small notebook, near them at all times.... to write down instructions/orders the Owner mentions - to remember. There have been so many times Syr's said something like... "I haven't been drinking enough water" or "I keep forgetting to take my allergy pills" - and sometimes would ask me to help Her remember or to bring Her the pill in the am or pm or whatever. And since I have the memory of a sieve, it became NORMAL to me (and to Her I suspect) for me to forget - for things to slip my mind. She rarely gives me a direct 'order' in the manner of "and that's an order, slave". She does. But not often. But She regularly mentions things She wishes me to do.... either occasionally or regularly. And sometimes (most of the time?) I forget. It never really occurred to me how valuable a log of these requests/suggestions/preferences could be helpful - even though I keep such a log for work! At work, when I take a phone call or talk to a customer in person and they have a request, I write it down, and I keep this in a running log. As I complete tasks, they get checked off or crossed off..... simple and helps make sure I don't "drop the ball" at work.  Soooo hellooooooo wouldn't that help me keep from dropping the ball at home? The M/s couple I was listening to on the podcast just had two simple rules for the slave journal - It must be nearby, the slave must know where it is at least - at all times and be willing to present it if asked. It must be handwritten/paper and pen - not an app. Nothing electronic. I was curious why... but they explained and it made sense. Pen and paper is tactile. And, pen and paper doesn't have distractions - whereas phones/apps do.... one could be about to make a note and then get distracted and start playing on Facebook or what have you. Pen & paper is simple, straightforward.

So I decided to try it. I run it a little different than my work one. I re-write daily tasks - habits I'm trying to build every day. And I add little *'d one-off or occasional tasks. It began by me sitting down and thinking of those things that Syr has mentioned in the past She likes or would like me to do.... and a couple things I guessed She would appreciate/enjoy or would make Her life easier. Things I'd like to do every day. Things I'd like to become habits. Like... keeping a freshened/refilled water cup by Her at all times.... making sure to make the coffee (or prep it for Her), giving Her daily meds/vitamin/etc every day, reminding Her to eat lunch on weekdays since She tends to forget. lol. Starting simple. 

And now, when She mentions She wants me to do something - as a one-off or occasionally, I write it down as soon as I can. And then I don't forget. The other day She'd asked me to roll some yarn into balls. That got added, so I would remember to go back to it after only rolling 1 or 2 the first day. She mentioned that She wanted to make sure the dogs got a bath yesterday, that got written down, and so I remembered to do it when I got home. She mentioned we needed ONLY milk and eggs at the store... so I wrote that down, so I wouldn't get squirrelly and add other things to my shopping basket. Uncompleted one-off tasks get copied down the next day so I never have to look back on previous days entries to remember what's not yet completed. These things seem simple, obvious even. But just the act of writing them down means I *actually* remember. And I know She's been pleasantly surprised by some of the things I've followed up on - like the dog bath. Because we've both normalized how quickly/easily I forget things or get distracted.

The reality is that when I maintain a service mindset - no matter how casual/basic, I stay a thousand times more mindful at ALL times. It makes me less combative, it keeps the fact that I am owned more front of mind - meaning I handle myself better during moments of tension - so that I can be a slave ALL the time and not throw it away when the road gets bumpy....  but it must have been exhausting, frustrating, and defeating for Syr to always have to remind me of things She's asked me to do.....  

I've kept "to do lists" on apps before.. but they always failed after a time. And I wonder if it's partly because there's no physical ritual/action with those. Recurring tasks mean I don't have to re-write a list every day. And one thing I've noticed is that once I've written it down, I tend to remember without having to look at it again. I DO look at it again... but I don't have to as much. The transference to paper helps set it in memory. And I have to say that it's very satisfying. 

So far, I'm finding it a very useful tool. And I really like that it's focused on Her and not on me. that feels like a useful exercise/ritual all by itself.

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