Thoughts...

What I really want, right this moment, is to curl up in my Daddy's arms. And snuggle. With a blanket. And a puppy.

Having one of those kinda moments.

Just craving the nurturing. The softness. The tenderness.

(Next week, though, I'll probably just be craving a good hard beating.)

Chores

Spent the morning and early afternoon cleaning the house... having a bubble bath... and just being immersed in some healthy service mode time.

It felt good.

I thrive on routine.... and I think Syr's new job and our new empty-nest privacy are helping me to establish some new routines and.... I think I like it.

A lot.

Oops.

So just 24 hours after being reminded the first time, I had to be reminded again. Oops.

In "owning my stuff" category, I have to say that being reminded feels good. I wouldn't deliberately skip days in order to be reminded, but it is nice to see the input from Syr in writing......

I have this visceral reaction to Her words on paper (on screen). Perhaps it is because in the early days of our D/s, so much of it was words on pages or on screens. Assignments. Tasks. Punishments. Discipline. Scenes...

I've always responded from a very primal place to seeing Her words.... and it hasn't changed or lessened over the years. So that's sort of what's on my mind at this precise moment...

Reminded

Syr had to remind me to write because I've not been remotely consistent the last couple weeks. Oops. :-S

To say we have our "mojo" back, or have broken our dry spell is probably an understatement. ;)

The other day, I got home from work, walked into the kitchen, kissed Her, and asked Her if She wanted to fuck me...

She said yes and 10 minutes later, we were in the bedroom fucking like bunnies.

Epic.

Reset.

Privacy is awesome.

For the first time - ever - Syr and I are living on our own, just the two of us. All the privacies!

The other day, Syr bent me over and caned my ass until I squealed. A lot. It was unpleasant but the heat on my bum that radiated for the hour or two following was rather divine.

I really don't like sting. I really really don't. But I can't deny that anytime I get a good beating, the feelings that follow are pretty wonderful.

But .... later that night... life got even better.

Syr bent me over and gave me a delicious, delicious beating with Her belt. It had been sooo long since I'd felt the leather of Her belt on my bare skin and it was wonderful in every way.

After my sound beating, Syr took me hard, from behind until I begged to cum....

And then flipped me over to continue driving into me for... I don't know how long... before She let me... and by then my orgasm was so intense that I was crying.. hard.

I can't remember how many times I came. But I remember the way my thighs wouldn't stop shaking for almost an hour afterward.

And I managed to give Syr multiples too. ;) A good night. For sure.

And the best part? Getting to just toddle off to the bathroom naked for clean-up time without worrying about anyone seeing us.

Bliss.

3 Sentences

I feel like being able to integrate our dynamic into those mundane day to day moments is getting easier as we approach the time when we will have the house all to ourselves.

Today, I noticed I was much quicker to notice a bit of 'tude on my part because who my Owner is to me was top of mind - instead of back of mind.

I have this feeling, deep down, that some of the personal growth and communication stuff I've been working so hard on might just get a wee bit easier when we have more privacy. Maybe not hugely so, but enough to give it all a little boost.

Privacy... and soon.

The countdown is on until we are finally living alone - just the two of us.

Next Wednesday night though the evening itself is pretty busy so I doubt we'll do more than sleep when I finally get home.

But yesterday and today, Syr and I have exchanged several moments. Certainly the idea of our upcoming new (permanent) privacy is giving us our mojo back. I can't even imagine what it will be like to know that Syr can assert Her ownership at any time of the day, without warning - and in whatever manner She chooses.

It's both thrilling and reassuring to know that there need not be any censorship, nor mincing of words out of concern for how we might be overheard - or misinterpreted. Which means a lot more freedom and space to breathe in our regular day to day interactions.

The possibilities are endless....

3 Sentences

Today I didn't get a lot of time with my Owner....

but I was grateful that I had an opportunity to make Her a tea, something I'd been missing these last few mornings.

And I'm grateful that I got to refer to Her as Syr - because circumstances have made protocol difficult or unrealistic for the past week or more...

And I'm grateful that very, very soon it will just be the two of us living alone - and things will shift yet again - and I am looking forward to that privacy and the ability to manifest and integrate!

Gratitude... yes, again

Today, I was humbled when Syr pointed out to me that I hadn't been giving Her my full attention - far from it - and then later when I realized that pretty much all of the stuff that is uncomfortable for me - or takes me outside what i feel ready for is geared to further my own best interests.

In other words, Syr is constantly pushing me outside the linear path because it is one of the ways She works so hard to make my (and our) dreams come true. Sometimes it's hard to recognize because part of me still is worried it will all fall out from under me. But when I get locked up in that fear, I'm really just throwing eggshells down at my own feet.

So today I'm grateful for the push. Grateful for being given opportunities to explore possibilities - no matter how wild and crazy they might seem - because exploring possibilities is the ONLY reason I am where I am in my life right now, and without the constant pressure to step outside my comfort zone, it never would have happened.

So it stands to reason that to maintain this awesomeness - and to grow it into something sustainable, lots of "being outside my comfort zone" is necessary. In fact that is probably all it's going to be for a while.

Need to continue to work hard on faith and trust - particularly in the unknown.

3 Sentences of gratitude

I'm grateful for my Owner's involvement and support in all areas of my life.

I am grateful for the opportunity to pursue my dreams, even (especially?) when those dreams push me beyond the limits of what I think I'm comfortable with or ready for.

I am grateful for a warm bed at night and strong arms that hold me.

3 Sentences

I love my Owner.

I'm grateful for my Owner.

I feel safe with my Owner.

3 Sentences

Looking forward to the surprise trip my Owner is taking me on - and opportunities to connect and have some protocol and D/s and Daddy/girl time without interruption or lack of privacy.

Had moments today where I felt grateful for having the time and opportunity to serve my Owner's tea again (on my knees, properly) and other small moments of day to day loveliness.

And finally, I am about to go to bed and request the sleeping collar for the first time in a few weeks thanks to training and scheduling craziness and I'm VERY much looking forward to that.

Thoughts

Recently after some big ah ha moments with my Owner, She decided to give me a circular series of writing tasks - topics that repeat and this has taken the majority of my writing focus lately. Because the work is more stream of consciousness, it's written for Her eyes only and I haven't been posting it here. But I realized that it's nice sometimes just to note the little moments too...

So here I am.

Remembering that being in this relationship, this marriage - and this dynamic takes constant attention, mindfulness, and dedication. Sometimes those things slip - and when they do, they need a little kick in the ass. But lately I feel like I've been doing the kicking when it needs it so that it's not just Syr having to do it, which feels like growth and healthy and stuff. :) So there's that.

Moments

Getting ready to go out to run errands with Syr, we were in the bedroom getting dressed, being playful. Then She seized the moment... Held me close and paddled my bottom with the small wooden sign paddle She keeps on the dresser.

"Who owns you?" She asks.
"You do, Syr." I whimper
"My slave. My slut. My whore." Every word punctuated with a soft smack of the paddle.

Starting our afternoon together on the right note. Feeling contained. Feeling loved.

Happy Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day to the best Daddy any little girl could ever have. I love You, Daddy.

Feeling little

Sometimes, the best moments are the simple and sweet ones. Lately there have been many opportunities for simple little girl bliss - like curling up next to Daddy on my porch swing at dusk or dark, when the fairy lights inside are all lit up. These are the moments that fill up my heart.

Remembering

Starting the day with some poignant reminders for myself... about respect.. my place... things to keep in mind when I communicate with my Owner.... and those sorts of things... has proven very helpful to maintaining a more respectful tone. It's also helping me re-ground. We were so busy for a couple months that it felt like there wasn't time to be mindful - which is (of course) ridiculous. But making the time, now, feels good.

Wednesday afternoon musing...

Things I'm thinking about today...

Gratitude - and working on respect in general, particularly when things get intense or tense.
Sex - Just craving my Owner's cock, a good hard romp, and playing with new flavours
Life and busyness - Wishing we had more free time for afternoon quickies and spontaneous play!
Service - feeling on top of the To Do list makes me feel like a better slave, and more peaceful in general.

Blowjob....

Spent a hot, steamy, shower fantasizing about serving Syr orally this afternoon.

It was a really, really, really nice shower.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Wanting

Today I'm full of wanting. I feel warm. Squirmy. Needy. Bordering on desperate.

I'm not sure why I'm so very responsive, other than that I feel contained and when I feel contained I feel freer to express all the desires in me.... maybe.

Or there's no reason at all and I'm just horny.

I have to spend most of my late afternoon and evening away from home but my mind is definitely on all the naughty things. This should be interesting....