Softening

My Owner was in the kitchen, working on dinner, when I walked up behind her, softly knelt and offered up the soft, supple lavender collar.

She turned around, smiled and buckled it into place, one hand tangling tightly in my hair afterward.

My body softened, as it always does in that hard-to-describe way. And the evening continued.

The evening continued, much as it otherwise would have, for the next several hours.

In that time, we had dinner. I gave Syr a foot rub. We had a miscommunication and I had a learning opportunity when I mishandled the situation. A reminder that often all I need to do to right a wrong in those moments is stop talking - which I eventually did (baby steps!).

In so many ways, like so many other evenings... but that softness. That hard-to-describe receptiveness. It's not about perfection. It's not about night and day differences. It's subtler. Sweeter. Simpler. Real.

I snuggled up to Her and asked if She maybe was up to beating me. It was late. And Syr reminded me of the time I'd wasted with my poor behavior earlier. Contrite, I hide my face against Her chest and apologized for the loss of time.

A kiss on the forehead. Acknowledgement of the lesson learned. Forgiven.

"Go make me a tea." She commanded. I obeyed.

As I waited for the kettle to boil, Syr decided She would go get the needles.

I poured the tea and, as I stood there, waiting for the proper amount of steeping time, I watched Syr's gloved hands moving over the supplies She'd laid out. I whimpered. I hesitated.

Syr had me bring the tea right away, not fully steeped so that it could steep closer to Her and I could have less excuse for stalling. And so I obeyed.

Nervous and whimpery and shaky as She opened the alcohol prep pad, eyes glinting evilly as She swiped it across my nipples.

If exclamation points had a sound, that's the sound I made.

Not one to miss an opportunity, Syr capitalized on my frightened noises and made comments about piercing my nipples, one direction and then another...  I knew She this was likely just fear-play.

But what if it wasn't? I mean. It probably was. But there was always a chance.

And there was this moment, when even though I knew that She was likely just messing with me, that I knew I trusted Her. I'm not sure exactly if that meant that if She decided to pierce my nipples I would let Her or if it meant that I knew down deep in my bones that She wouldn't do anything unsafe or that was too much for me to handle (likely the latter) - but in either case, there was this... further softening.

I'm sure that from Syr's position, that softening was completely undetectable.

I mean, on the outside, I was still wiggly and whimpery and squirmy and nervous.

But on the inside, I was filled with trust and surrender and submission.

I guess that probably won't make any sense when read. But it is still the truth.

Syr settled on the flesh above my nipple. I was all eeky about it. It had been a while since we'd played with needles. The first slid in almost too easily, the familiar pinch/poke when it comes out the other side... that is always the ouchiest point for me. Another followed on the other side. A matching set. Two more near the first ones for a total of four needles.

Each one still scary.

Still... perhaps I wanted more. Perhaps I don't always know what I want, though.

She played with them a little.... and I enjoyed looking at them. She often does needles in my back... but I think I might prefer them in front. I guess it's hard to say.

And then She had me go get Her something to beat me with. Sting was covered by the pokey needles in my breasts, so I went for thud and grabbed the flogger and the Nerf bat. And the stool and a pillow for my knees.....

Floaty from the needles and the tiny little drop of blood on my breast (so innocuous, really, but so potent anyway), I draped myself over the stool.

I had to be still. Because pokey things still in my breasts!

Syr began with the bat and it hurt. A lot. I have mixed feelings about the bat. It's thuddy, I guess. But it's almost kind of slappy. And I don't know. I think I like it. But I think I like it for the deeper feeling of it after. Sometimes I think it stings. Sometimes I don't know what I like. Or what I need. But then - that's what my Owner is for. ;)

And then the flogger.

Syr stood beside me. Behind me. And in front of me. She focused, primarily, on my upper back/back of shoulders.

At one point, She moved beside me, Her left palm pressing me down, hand firm in my middle back... Her right hand swinging the flogger at the sweet spot of my upturned bottom.

Heaven.

She got into a rhythm I could feel through my entire body when She moved back to my back.

The best rhythm was when She stood in front of my head, lifted my hair with one hand to pull my head into the place where Her upper thighs touch to hold it in place, and went at my upper back from above.

Something about the rhythm and intensity started to feel familiar and yet not. Her flogger is short, but Her strokes more confident than maybe ever before. The rhythm felt even and I felt myself sinking. Sinking.

At one point I asked if She would consider moving behind me again... because everything felt so perfect but I was mentally having trouble wrapping my brain around being flogged "upside down"... because, you see, every other time I've been flogged I've been standing, the strokes going from shoulders down.... but because Syr was above my head and swinging down, the strokes felt like they were going up (well they were...) and my brain was not processing the change.

She decided to grant my wish and moved to another angle and I almost immediately regretted asking for a change. Why was I overthinking? Who was in charge. I admitted my error and Syr chuckled and moved back to where She was and I ... got lost.

It all gets blurry around and in-between these moments because... well.. sub space.. I think She used the bat more. I think She flogged my bottom more. I know at some point She pulled the needles out because I remember the sharp intake of breath at their removal... the sting... and the intoxication of seeing the tiny little dots of blood.

I don't remember how or when exactly Syr decided playtime was over.

I do remember curling up between her legs as She sat on the couch and wrapped me up in Her arms and gave me some sips of water.

I do remember holding Her so tight, fingers digging into Her back, that moment of aftercare when what I want is to fuse our two bodies together because close isn't close enough in that moment.

Other than that, the rest of the night is all mushed together into a blob of happy and soft. :)

"Let Me in."

"Come here." my Owner commanded as I stood in front of Her, the two of us alone for the first time in.... a long time. She snapped Her fingers and pointed at the place in front of Her feet and I hesitated, almost nervous, or perhaps it was something else. But I did kneel.

There was something about the look in Her eyes that I could feel - an intensity and a time for seriousness. I responded to that energy, almost subconsciously, as I felt myself begin to settle into the flow between us - Her assertion of power and my surrendering of it.

My Owner asked for each ankle and wrist in turn, attaching the neoprene cuffs that, while less exciting to look at than many other similar devices, serve their purpose nicely. She pulled out the lavender collar and asked me, "Who owns You, little girl?" as I tipped my head forward resting my throat against the supple leather.

"You do, Syr." I whispered in reply as She buckled it snugly behind me. Moments later, She clipped one end of the chain leash to my collar and I gasped as she hung the cold chain down my back.

I was silent, contemplative and sinking steadily into slave-space as She retrieved the nipple clamps, also connected to one another by a cool chain and again I gasped in wordless complaint as I felt the chain against my chest but I held my breath when She attached the clamps to each nipple. I felt, fully adorned. It isn't often that I am granted the opportunity to be decorated in this way for my Owner and I felt it intensely, the surrender of self becoming closer to the forefront of my mind.

With a hand against my back, Syr pressed me forward until I was in my 'down' position, forehead and knees on the floor, ass high. I feel so exposed in this position but this feeling was magnified a hundred times by the accessories I wore and especially the chain dangling between my nipples, the weight of the clamps pulling on them by the position I was in.

I heard my Owner put on a latex glove and I trembled, lightly as I listened to the sound of the lube being squeezed onto Her finger. I had little time to think before Her finger was pressing against my anus, the position I was in allowing me little option for resistance though I unconsciously tightened.

She began slowly, pressing Her slippery, gloved finger against this most private opening, in small pulses. She slid Her finger in and the smoothness of the latex and the slipperiness of the lube made it easy and I felt suddenly very invaded and very owned. Her finger moved inside me more insistently and I whimpered against the feeling of being claimed in this way. She crooned to me to relax as She continued to move inside me.

"Let me in, little girl" She growled and I automatically relaxed further, letting Her finger slide easily. "Good girl", She crooned and I whimpered - simultaneously wishing it to never stop and wondering when it would. I love this sensation but can't admit it in the moment because if an inherent sensation of guilt or shame - yet I trust my Owner and the feeling of surrender I experience when we play in this way is all encompassing and ultimately it wins out.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked me and I whimpered, words lost on me.... I couldn't form coherent sentences let alone let Her know what I was thinking. "Are You thinking about how it might feel if this was My cock instead of My finger, little girl?" Syr asked provocatively but I couldn't answer Her. Yes, I was thinking of Her cock in my ass.... and I felt so dirty for thinking it - but I was. I felt so overwhelmed by something so small as Her finger, how would Her cock feel? But most of all it was the steady insistence of Her finger as it slid in and out of me so smoothly that kept distracting me. I felt owned. "Good girl...." She whispered again as She moved Her finger away and pressed the small butt plug into my ass in its place. Once situated, I felt filled and utterly submissive.

She had me sit up then and I looked up at Her, feeling so floaty and owned and fully surrendered, and, after removing the nipple clamps, Syr replaced Her gloves, and had me open an individually sealed alcohol swab. I glanced next to Her and saw the needles.... and shakily opened the package for Her.

She swabbed the front of my left breast and waisted little time opening the first needle and positioning it against the small bit of skin She held pinched with Her other hand. In one swift motion, She pierced my skin and I gasped, feeling the first surge of endorphins course through me. Too much skin sat between the base and tip of the needle and She had to pull back and re pierce and that stung even more, making me hiss through my teeth. The second one went in and again needed a slight adjustment, but thankfully, Syr seemed satisfied with the third.

She handed me another swab to open and swabbed my right breast, this side didn't require any re piercings and by the time the third needle on the right was in, I was very floaty, almost meditative.

Syr offered me my choice of colour from some embroidery floss laid out next to Her. I don't remember picking a colour but I wasn't very focused and She pulled out some black floss and began winding it carefully between the needles. She created a criss-cross corset-like pattern connecting my two breasts. I had to pay attention to my posture as any slouching would cause the floss to slacken. Satisfied with the lacing, She added a second colour - pink - for highlights on Her work before tying it off. The effect was very pretty, and the ornamental decoration of the floss made me feel very objectified in the most delicious kind of way.

Finished with the needles, Syr clipped my wrist cuffs together behind my back. This was helpful for my posture as it pulled my breasts slightly apart. Unloosing my leash from my collar, Syr had me stand and led me by my leash to another room where She gestured me down to my knees. She settled me there, re-clipped the handle of the leash to my collar and made sure I would be okay before letting me know She would be right back - and that I was not to move.

I remember sitting there, swaying... floating, and being so still as I listened to Her move to another room. I had little awareness of time passing, though later on I realized She had been gone longer than the short time it felt like (though probably only five minutes, if that).

When She came back, She stood very close behind me and I felt Her denim clad legs against my back. Her hands stroked lightly across my shoulders and then Her right hand curled around to the front of my throat, the barest touch arching me back against Her. She unclasped my wrist cuffs, freeing my arms for movement and within seconds Her right hand had moved up from my throat to clamp tightly over my nose and mouth.

I was so surrendered to Her at this moment, so fully encompassed in trust that I didn't move, nor try to breathe, I just sank into the sensation. Syr tried to startle me, to cause me to instinctively gasp for breath but I was much too softened for that and then She whispered in my ear, "let me feel you struggle, little girl..." and I brought my awareness forward again, and tried to take a single breath. The lack of air flowing into my lungs allowed me to relax into the struggle and my hands reached behind me, grabbing at Her legs and higher.... finding the thick hardness of Her cock and holding on tight as She held firm, keeping me from any chance at a breath for several moments before pulling me back against Her and letting go.

She moved in front of me and, my leash held firm in Her hands and I leaned back, partly intentionally and partly because I was just so lost in a sea of sensation. She was worried that the leash wasn't secure and grabbed my collar, Her fist curled against the front of my throat and I really leaned back this time, letting my body go slack. I felt, for a moment, as if I were flying - so completely surrendered to trust, knowing I was safe in my Owner's grasp.

I blinked, and realized that my Owner's cock seemed so close, no longer hidden beneath blue denim but exposed, and Syr's hands curled in my hair, pulling me closer as my mouth opened to take Her in. I moaned loudly around Her cock, loving the way it slid along my tongue, nudging at the back of my throat and Syr's hands tightened even more in my hair, pressing Her cock deep and then moving Her hips slowly - fucking my mouth. My hands reached up to grab onto Her jeans, holding onto Her pockets as if they were handles, as She encouraged me - "Show Me how much you want My cock, slave", She ordered and I obeyed as I hungrily sucked Her cock. I took it deep and swirled my tongue lavishly around the head, whimpering as She drove hard into my mouth until, suddenly, she pulled Her cock away and I mewed softly at the sudden emptiness between my lips.

"Ask Me to fuck you." She ordered, and I obeyed, the words coming easily - so lost in desire was I, and She pushed my back, forcing me down and forward onto my knees, and I noticed the slack of the embroidery threads between the piercings in my breasts. Everywhere I could move my awareness within my body was lit up with sensation. Syr reached behind me and pressed the button on the plug still snug in my ass to turn it on and the vibrations lit up the sensitivity inside me as I heard Her apply lube to Her cock, already slightly moistened from the tongue bath it had just received.

In seconds, Her cock was buried deep inside of me and I was lost. There was nothing outside of this time with my Owner, this surrender. I was claimed and lost and hungry and filled. In mere moments, I was begging to cum. She granted my wish and I came hard, filled and overwhelmed and shuddering I came again... and again... until She finally granted me reprieve and I, shuddering, sobbing, unable to move, collapsed at Her feet.

Syr touched me gingerly, removed the plug from my ass, the needles from my breasts, and the cuffs from my ankles and wrists. After helping me to clean up, She snuggled me close to Her. It was some time before I could open my eyes, and it was some time after that before I could even attempt to walk. I crawled a fair bit in the hour or two following.

I slept in my Owner's collar all night and She did not remove it until nearly noon the following day. What a glorious night.