Blowjob....

Spent a hot, steamy, shower fantasizing about serving Syr orally this afternoon.

It was a really, really, really nice shower.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Wanting

Today I'm full of wanting. I feel warm. Squirmy. Needy. Bordering on desperate.

I'm not sure why I'm so very responsive, other than that I feel contained and when I feel contained I feel freer to express all the desires in me.... maybe.

Or there's no reason at all and I'm just horny.

I have to spend most of my late afternoon and evening away from home but my mind is definitely on all the naughty things. This should be interesting....

Giving up control

Lately, I've been working on giving up more and more control - particularly when I notice old bad habits and dysfunctional behavior creeping up again. And by "when I notice", I mean when Syr points it out because it seems like lately I've been not noticing this stuff cropping up until after I've made a mistake. Often a big one. :(

So I'm working on it. Today was another moment of "ah ha" as I handed over control of my daily to do list to Syr. Sounds kinda silly to say that - like of course that should have been Hers this whole time. But it never really occurred to me to hand it all over like that.

Progress? definitely. Does it feel good? Safe? Healthy? absolutely!

There have been other big control shifts. I think it's easier for me to do this stuff now that we have less concerns over freaking out the youngest man-child, who still lives at home. He understands that we have a consensual power dynamic now that he's an adult. We still keep it subtle around him but there's less anxiety around trying to "hide" it. That makes little things like this way easier and more comfortable. I think it also makes it easier for Syr to remind me when I need reminding and to be more verbally aggressive when necessary to keep me in line - which in a way has eased a lot of stress for both of us, I think.

I'm happy with this latest development with the task list. Accountability has NEVER been a bad thing for me and usually results in a lot more mindfulness and awareness on my part.

Right this moment, I'm feeling grateful. And contained.

Collar time

I'm behind in posting but life has been crazy busy lately (in a really good way). I did, however, want to mention that last Friday (a week ago), when we had the house to ourselves, Syr was doing a bit of cooking in the kitchen. Struck by inspiration (?), I fetched the purple fancy collar and went naked to kneel at Her feet in the kitchen and offered it to Her to put on me if She wished (and She did). I wore it all evening and it clearly pleased Her that I'd brought it to Her and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy, too!

We were both tired and burnt out so we didn't end up playing but rather just mostly doing our own thing for the evening. I slept in the collar and knelt at Her feet in the morning for Her to remove it.

Since that day, I've brought it to Her every evening at bedtime and worn it to sleep. Every morning I wear it until She sits in Her chair to have Her tea (provided the rest of the household is still asleep) and after I serve Her tea, THEN She removes it.

It's been a really beautiful, grounding, and wonderful ritual and I'm enjoying it so much. Sleeping in a more obvious collar or ankle cuff has always been a really wonderful ritual for me and Syr seems to really be enjoying these little moments as well. So grateful.

Decisions... decisions...

Today, as I was working at my desk, Syr brought over some bites of chocolate cake - rather randomly - to share with me. As She fed me bite #2, She dropped a little blob of frosting on my bare arm. As She scraped it up with the fork and fed it to me, I sassily mentioned that there was a "better way to do that" implying... you know... that She lick it off. That's what most people would think, right?

Instead She leaned in and said... "I know. I could scrape it up with my knife..."  to which I am pretty sure i sorta shiver-purred. ;)

So, tongue or knife? Which would YOU choose?

I know, it's really no contest, right? ;)

Kitchen Service

Tonight as Syr was cooking dinner, She teased me about how hot it would be to have me kneeling at Her feet, sucking Her cock while She cooked. Loving the idea, I went around the counter to kneel invitingly at Her feet. Sadly, we weren't alone or I think She just may have done it. ;) Some day we'll live alone. Someday.... ;)

Play

One of the things I appreciate the most about the relationship I share with my Owner is the way we play and laugh together. I love our ability to be silly. We've had water fights (and bread dough fights) and silliness and teasing and it's all so wonderful. I can't imagine a life without that kind of play.

Simple sweetness

This morning, I got up a couple hours before Syr. I had my coffee, played on my computer, and just generally puttered around a bit. But, I prepped Syr's tea and creamer in a mug and got the water in the kettle ready. It worked out really well, because when I heard Her stirring, I just turned the kettle on and my timing was perfect! I was just pouring Her tea when She wandered into the kitchen. When She saw me working on it, She turned and headed for the couch giving me the opportunity to kneel sweetly at Her feet to serve Her tea. It was one of those great, everything lines up just as you want it to, kind of moments. Simple. Sweet. Perfect.

Had a dream

Last night... or rather, this morning, I had a dream that I was in big trouble. And Syr had ordered me into the bedroom where She'd "prepared" my punishment.

When I showed up, She was on the bed and She had TWO video cameras set up. One to the side of the bed, and one at the end of the bed both aimed AT the bed. She was sitting on the bed with a sly smile and I knew, in that moment that She was going to give me an Over The Knee paddling, and film it!

It never occurred to me if it was something She was going to be live streaming... or recording to torment me with later... or post somewhere.

But it got me VERY worked up. And I didn't want to wake up.

I woke up with a little exhibitionist tingle and craving a good beat-down, if you know what I mean...

Appreciation.

Having one of those days where I just truly appreciate my Owner. She drove a lot today. We did things that were important and helping me to achieve some things I'm really excited about. And we had good productive conversations. <3 Good day.

Silliness

My favourite moment from today? Getting tickle-tackled by Syr in the living room after dinner but before dessert. I like laughing. I like play. I like our silliness. I hope we never outgrow it.

Learning to breathe

Today I've been working on and practicing taking those pauses, those deep breaths when something Syr says "hits" me funny. Trying not to defend but rather to think about what an appropriate response would be. Seeing the payoff.

Bliss

I fell asleep wrapped up in my Owner's arms last night. Not our usual routine but a tight, protective snuggle that made me feel so small and safe and protected. The sweetest, sweetest bliss. I am so loved.

A new day

Yesterday presented a big challenge and opportunity for learning and growth. I hope that I really integrated what I learned. I feel like I have but that's no guarantee. Trying to stay mindful today. The energy between Daddy and me is nice, playful and generally good. About to get started on a bunch of chores and then do work.

Little lessons are sometimes the best kind...

Got a little attitude this evening. And then I remembered who the boss really is... and the fact that She's normally right. First I was cranky - but then I was humbled. Another lesson learned.

Yes, Syr!

Syr (playfully demanding): "Make me a tea, bitch!"

me (sassily): "I don't respond to 'bitch'"

Syr: *grabs my collar and yanks it up, pressing me against the wall* "MY Bitch."

Me: *shiver*

Syr:  Now... Make me a tea... BITCH

me: "Yes, Syr."

The right way to start a morning.

The right way to start a morning is most definitely at my Owner's feet with a cup of hot tea ready for Her in my hands. There's a look in Her eyes that She gets that is just for me. And when She says "Thank you, slave", my heart goes all pitty-pat. <3

Gratitude

Yesterday, I was excitedly trying to explain to my Owner how the fact that I'd been bothered by a messy bed and felt like it needed to be fixed right away (as proof of a formed habit) made me proud of my new habit of making it every single day. But, She kept interrupting me to inform me that I should be grateful that I get to serve Her in that way. I thought She was missing the point, that I had noticed the new habit and was proud of myself. Really, I'd been missing the point. The exciting part really is that I am lucky enough to live the lifestyle I love - in service to someone I truly love and respect in all ways. And so in hindsight, I realize that the point really IS the gratitude. Thank You, Syr - for the granting me the privilege of serving You.

3 Sentences

Today started and ended with service. In the morning, I waited by Syr's chair, kneeling, with Her tea in hand. And I gave Syr a pedicure this evening as an anchor point and to end our evening on a positive, service-minded note.

3 Sentences

Served my Owner a tea on my knees upon waking this morning to start the day off on the right foot (er, knee)? We had a pretty quiet day, overall and a productive one. Syr is feeling under the weather today so I'm feeling hovery and probably being annoying - trying to keep a lid on that though!