Frustration

"Tell me about something that frustrates you."

Oh ... sure. Easier said than done!

It's easy to write with glowing praise about my Syr. I am well cared for, well groomed, and incredibly blessed to have someone in my life who is so attuned to my needs, my desires, my triggers, and all the other parts of me.

But it is far more challenging to write about the less than perfect aspects of my experience serving Her.

But - that is my task, so here goes.

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I think it's normal for there to be frustration within any relationship, but perhaps even more so within the realms of a relationship that is molded by a power exchange of any kind. The art and energy of a Dominant/submissive lifestyle can bea tricky thing to navigate. It is amazing and energizing, but can also be draining and a lot of work.

If I'm being completely honest, I would have to say that integrating D/s into my life was a lot like opening a floodgate. Once it's done, it is done.

Could I be happy living a vanilla life? Sure. But a part of me would feel the loss acutely. My submission fills me with an inner light that I would find hard to replace. It grants me peace and serenity when the world spins out of control around me. It gives me safety and security when life throws challenge after challenge at me. It has helped me get to know myself in a way that I may never have without it.

And yet, it also awakened needs in me that really must be met. The ways those needs are met can be as varied and unique as individual snowflakes falling from the sky, but they must be met. When they are not, I am thrown off-balance, and can easily spiral into a place where in it's mildest form I find myself unsettled or cranky and in it's most severe form can throw me into mild forms of temporary depression.

So when asked what is something that frustrates me, the answer is simple (though its explanation is not):

What frustrates me is when I have a need and circumstances, lack of privacy, or other life 'stuff' gets in the way of me reaching, or maintaining little space - espcially when I really... REALLY need that little space.

Sometimes, those circumstances or life "stuff" are avoidable, and then sometimes it's hard to be patient or understanding, when my little voice is screaming "I NEED!!! Fix it!!!! Please!!" and other times, the circumstances are out of both of our control and I nearly rage at them in a petulant way that while probably adorable to watch is just a small outlet for my internal frustration.

For me to be at my best, I need little space.. I need it regularly... and somewhat often. It can be achieved in subtle ways or blatant, but I do need it.

So I admit sometimes that I get frustrated with Syr, when She can't deliver. It's a selfish urge, and I realize that there are slaves and submissives out there who are probably aghast with shock that I would spend an entire post talking about my needs. What kind of submissive am I? ;)

Well - I'm me. I'm my type. And being submissive, is a part of me. And that part does include needs. *nodsnods*

Syr recognizes this, appreciates it, and understands it. I am sure my needs can also be a source of frustration for Her. What's most important is that we work together, we ebb and flow together, and that we both do our best to strike the balance between wants and needs, both of ourselves and each other.

Overall, I think we both do a damn fine job.