Sunday Devotional: Accepting

A lesson learned this afternoon - on accepting my Owner's direction, EVEN (hmm, or especially), when I think there's been a misunderstanding or a miscommunication.

This afternoon, I admitted to Syr that I was fixating on a particular activity. I had a linear plan to do something for Syr (haircut) before doing this particular activity (taking a bath). I was trying to rush Syr to the haircut because I really wanted to cut Her hair.... but the rushing was because I was fixating on a bath.

Well, when I admitted to Syr that I was fixating, She seemed a little displeased and told me to go take my bath. Her displeasure made me feel freaked out because I didn't want Her to think I wasn't excited about Her haircut. But She pointed out that if I was fixating on the bath then my attention wouldn't be on the haircut. I didn't want to believe that to be true. I thought ... to myself - I LOVE giving Syr haircuts! So of course I would enjoy it and be attentive... so I argued.

And arguing with Her never leads to a good resolution for either of us. She said that I told Her my headspace and She made a decision based on that headspace.She also ordered me to do a 10 minute time out (and then have my bath). I argued a little bit longer (not good) but then went upstairs.

My timeout is now over and... naturally.. I realize She was right. That seems to always happen. She was right that my attention was not where it needed to be. it's unfortunate because I would have preferred serve Her (haircut) before me (bath). BUT ... looking back... Her decision makes sense. Get the bath taken care of and then when/if haircut time rolls around, She won't have to worry that my attention is diverted.

Oops. :(

So, another lesson learned the hard way. But, I realized that I need to work ... a hell of a lot harder than I have been... on acceptance. This has been a running theme lately. I accept Her leadership when things seem smooth and I can tell that She is happy with me. But accepting Her direction and leadership when I am panicking that I've displeased Her is not so easy and it's come up a lot for us in the last few weeks. The moment She said - Okay, go have your bath (the first time). I should have remembered my place and said "yes, Syr" and come up for my bath without question. Instead, *I* got overly worried about Her displeasure with me instead of accepting Her decision and then spending some time thinking through WHY She would have made that decision.

Because as soon as I did think about it - it made perfect sense.

So.. acceptance is a big thing I need to spend a lot of my energy on for a while. Accepting Her decisions, ESPECIALLY when She's making those decisions from a place of displeasure with me. Because those are Her attempts to salvage an unpleasant situation and put an end to any unpleasantness She may be experiencing. If I try to convince Her not to be displeased with me - I only make the situation worse.

I struggle around issues of trust and obedience - as much as I trust Her more than any other in my life, and even though I desire nothing more than to be Her obedient and good little girl - there is a lot of healing work W/we've been doing with me because of things in my past and these issues do arise.

So, accept first. Then think. THEN if there are still unknown, respectfully ask questions later. That is my goal.