Awareness

Ever since this new shift in our dynamic, I have been finding myself increasingly aware of the way that I act and talk to my Owner. I mean, it seems like basics, right? But it's so easy to become complacent.

It's not something I'm forcing, but it's happening naturally.  Syr says She would really like a coffee while we're running around doing errands. She never says another thing about it, but when we get home, I just remember and make Her a coffee.  It's little service things like that that are becoming increasingly natural for me to do.

When it comes to speaking, I'm a nitpicky personality and it can be habit for me to make little comments about annoying little household maintenance things. Often, I'll just make a quick little flippant comment and go about my day.  It's not one of my more attractive qualities, though, and I'm fairly confident not one that Syr finds particularly charming.

In any case, this morning while stumbling into the kitchen to make coffee, I noticed the lid to the sugar dish had been left off, again. I wasn't really very awake and started to say something about it and then just stopped. Like I literally started to make a flippant comment and the first syllable was out and then my mouth snapped shut.  I knew I had to find a better way to say it ... but it took four open mouth to speak then stop moments to find the respectful tone I was searching for in my not-yet-caffeinated brain.  I found it, though, and my Owner, while partially amused at all the stops and starts, noted that I often make those types of comments without thinking at my most awake of moments and here I was, groggy and by all rights should be at my worst for being able to pay attention to things like tone and yet... I had.

Boundaries seem to make a significant difference in things like attitude and the ease with which I might move into and out of 'service mode'.  One could argue that, as Her slave, I should be in service mode at all times, but we're realistic and there is a difference between being 'willing' to provide service to my Owner when She asks for something (which i almost always am) and being eager to.  The moods where I am "eager" to provide service are certainly mood based and usually these modes are when I'm going way above the call of duty. What is cool is that these moments are happening more and more frequently to the absolute delight of us both.

A little later on this morning and into the early afternoon, I was having a wierd day mood-wise so I was feeling sassy and bratty. I was feeling off kilter, out of balance, and generally just sorta off and on grumpy.  It wasn't a big deal at all but when Syr got home from work I just was struggling hard to find that little place. Syr wasn't minding too much the place I was in. She enjoys having a bratty submissive at times. She doesn't want me always on perfect behaviour. She likes the take down as much as I enjoy it on occasion and we've gotten good at communicating when She's in the mood to be amused by bratty behaviour and when it's way out of line.

But, She also recognized in the midst of my bits of brattiness this afternoon, that I was not entirely comfy being in a bratty headspace.  So, when I was kneeling in front of Her in the living room and made a smart-ass comment, She slapped me across the face - hard - and smiled, certainly sadistically, as my brattiness bottomed out and I tumbled deep into the recesses of my submission once again.  Moments later, breathless, I begged Her to take my breath and She happily complied, sealing my mouth and nose tightly with Her hand as I struggled and then, released me. As I gasped, She pulled me tight against Her and I floated once more in the submissive place I had been struggling to find, unable to resist brushing my fingers against the heat still lingering on my cheek.

She'd had Her fun with my brattiness, and knew when it was to my benefit to make it stop - and She did so with astounding efficiency.  And lo and behold, it wasn't but an hour later that I was happily giving Her a bit of a mini manicure, doing laundry and dishes and puttering happily around the house.

I love my life.