Recalibrated

Have you ever dislocated a joint? Or maybe - on the less extreme side of things - have you ever felt like a body part just wasn't quite lined up properly? Perhaps you're out of alignment and need a chiropractic adjustment?

And then, you know that sensation when whatever was out of whack, gets back into whack? Do you know it feels when whatever was out just pops back *in* to place and it's so overwhelmingly pleasurable to have it all back where it should be that it practically tingles?

That's how I feel today.

Yesterday, I felt like a little girl, beloved by her Daddy. And that feels good - awesome even. Comfortable. Then, last night, as I drifted off to sleep, something was starting to shift, slipping back closer into place.

And when I awoke, whatever was out of alignment 'popped' back into place.... and I spent the day feeling that overwhelming sensation of being fully in touch with my submissive, slave-self again.

It's not that the little girl goes away, it's that - I think - for quite a few months, that little girl mentality has been the dominant one in my Self. When all is right in my world, from a D/s perspective, the submissive part of me, the little girl/babygirl part of me, and the slave part of me all interweave together, braiding themselves into the rope-weave of me at my most whole and balanced.

I am learning that when something is affecting me, on any level, one part of me - or another - seems to become heavier, more obvious and the others fade slightly. In that imbalance, I often find that there is something I need from it over the short-term. I think, that in this case, the imbalance had much to do with the Winter and the introspection and facing of my shadow-self related to my personal spiritual work. It's difficult, emotionally-taxing self-work, and I suppose it makes sense that the little girl side of me would take over.

And, incidentally, I am drawing some connections between this recent imbalance and the way that certain negative behaviors started becoming easier and easier to slip into (namely in the emotional immaturity and tantrum categories).

Last night, though the shift began. Perhaps it really happened when we decided to attend a local leatherdyke kink conference coming up. Perhaps it was triggered by my recent revelations on the work i am doing to be healthier in my communications, more self-aware, and more dedicated to my work on myself - to replace old bad patterns with new positive healthier ones.

But whatever triggered it, suddenly this morning I was once again fully aware of these other sides of me that have been so neglected.

And now I am tingling with it - awake and alive and on fire with the cravings....

I am craving serving Her and feeling Her hand on my neck, or closing over my mouth and nose - controlling my breath.

I'm craving the cold steel of Her knife on the long unmarred skin of my back.

I'm craving the total surrender and submission that washes over me when She fucks me - the slave me - the submissive me with Her giant cock.

I'm craving taking worshiping at Her feet, kissing the tip of Her boot, and laying kisses on Her cock.

I'm craving new experiences: rope and needles

I'm craving the wide smooth leather of Her collar wrapped around my neck and the clink of the chain from the leash binding my throat to Her wrist.

I'm craving a hard, sudden slap across the face - not because I've misbehaved but simply because, as my Owner, She can.

I'm craving wax falling onto my naked, trembling, body only to be scraped off bit by bit by Her sharp knife.

I'm craving time on my fur, forehead down, Her foot on the back of my neck.

I'm craving all this and more... from a place of complete peace and contentedness from my secure place as Her slave, Her litle girl.