March is Question Month

So, this question month thing is going around... and I thought it would be fun to open the doors to questions:

Do you have a question you'd like to ask of me? Then post it here and I'll respond. The question can be of any nature.

I'll answer the questions right here on my blog.

Thank You, my Owner

"Thank You, my Owner" is what I whispered against Her cheek as She pulled me close, my head laying on the front of Her left shoulder, the spot I prefer to sleep, the spot that has the mark of Her ownership of me - the key matching the heart/lock that marks my own skin on the back of my neck.

"You're welcome, little girl" comes Her reply as we began to drift off to sleep, floating in bliss.

Just an hour earlier, we'd been both doing our own thing on our laptops, writing, reading and generally just zoning out. Really, our moods were just not quite lined up. Syr is still shaking off the end of a nasty cold, and I am in this refreshed/recalibrated uber-submissive place, aching for service and submission - and surrender.

She wasn't exactly 'in the mood' and I was sort of... well... desperate. And so I quietly got up and put my computer away and got out the accoutrement that would normally accompany a quick, but hot, romp and just generally was sorta assertive about sending the message that I was REALLY craving Her cock (and a long list of other stuff but I was SO ready to take whatever I could get). ;)

It was actually really ballsy of me. I was setting myself up for some disappointment that can often make me feel a little rejected when I'm in a submissive head space. It was also awfully presumptuous and... really... not that submissive.

But Syr's eyes got this evil lil' twinkle, the kind they get when it's clear She's feeling all kinds of desired, and that it's making Her feel good - so I ran with it. ;)

Lucky me, She decided She wanted to grant me my wish. I'm sure that all the begging didn't hurt. *impish grin*

But I was still craving an intense sensation of surrender... and so I begged Her to allow me to have some floor - time. A request She granted with apparent pleasure as She guided me down until my forehead rested on the floor and placed Her foot heavily on the back of my neck. *purrr*

I was so softened by floor-time that I found myself floating into compliance with every other order She gave until I laid, spread open wide and naked beneath Her as She drove Her huge cock into me, filling me completely in one stroke - claiming me.

She was fully engaged and swept up in the energy exchange clearly flowing between us. She made me wait the longest time before finally granting me permission for an orgasm, and even then - only long after my begging turned to crying. Once permission was granted it was - all encompassing.

I fell asleep, grateful and content.

Recalibrated

Have you ever dislocated a joint? Or maybe - on the less extreme side of things - have you ever felt like a body part just wasn't quite lined up properly? Perhaps you're out of alignment and need a chiropractic adjustment?

And then, you know that sensation when whatever was out of whack, gets back into whack? Do you know it feels when whatever was out just pops back *in* to place and it's so overwhelmingly pleasurable to have it all back where it should be that it practically tingles?

That's how I feel today.

Yesterday, I felt like a little girl, beloved by her Daddy. And that feels good - awesome even. Comfortable. Then, last night, as I drifted off to sleep, something was starting to shift, slipping back closer into place.

And when I awoke, whatever was out of alignment 'popped' back into place.... and I spent the day feeling that overwhelming sensation of being fully in touch with my submissive, slave-self again.

It's not that the little girl goes away, it's that - I think - for quite a few months, that little girl mentality has been the dominant one in my Self. When all is right in my world, from a D/s perspective, the submissive part of me, the little girl/babygirl part of me, and the slave part of me all interweave together, braiding themselves into the rope-weave of me at my most whole and balanced.

I am learning that when something is affecting me, on any level, one part of me - or another - seems to become heavier, more obvious and the others fade slightly. In that imbalance, I often find that there is something I need from it over the short-term. I think, that in this case, the imbalance had much to do with the Winter and the introspection and facing of my shadow-self related to my personal spiritual work. It's difficult, emotionally-taxing self-work, and I suppose it makes sense that the little girl side of me would take over.

And, incidentally, I am drawing some connections between this recent imbalance and the way that certain negative behaviors started becoming easier and easier to slip into (namely in the emotional immaturity and tantrum categories).

Last night, though the shift began. Perhaps it really happened when we decided to attend a local leatherdyke kink conference coming up. Perhaps it was triggered by my recent revelations on the work i am doing to be healthier in my communications, more self-aware, and more dedicated to my work on myself - to replace old bad patterns with new positive healthier ones.

But whatever triggered it, suddenly this morning I was once again fully aware of these other sides of me that have been so neglected.

And now I am tingling with it - awake and alive and on fire with the cravings....

I am craving serving Her and feeling Her hand on my neck, or closing over my mouth and nose - controlling my breath.

I'm craving the cold steel of Her knife on the long unmarred skin of my back.

I'm craving the total surrender and submission that washes over me when She fucks me - the slave me - the submissive me with Her giant cock.

I'm craving taking worshiping at Her feet, kissing the tip of Her boot, and laying kisses on Her cock.

I'm craving new experiences: rope and needles

I'm craving the wide smooth leather of Her collar wrapped around my neck and the clink of the chain from the leash binding my throat to Her wrist.

I'm craving a hard, sudden slap across the face - not because I've misbehaved but simply because, as my Owner, She can.

I'm craving wax falling onto my naked, trembling, body only to be scraped off bit by bit by Her sharp knife.

I'm craving time on my fur, forehead down, Her foot on the back of my neck.

I'm craving all this and more... from a place of complete peace and contentedness from my secure place as Her slave, Her litle girl.

My Daddy

Wow - I haven't written in months.  It's hard to imagine that it has been so long, but I guess in the grand scheme of things, it isn't so hard to realize.

This has been a hard winter for me.  I found myself delving deep into myself and dealing with issues that took much of my emotional energy.  I also slipped into an avoidant habit of not writing - which my Owner pointed out is the one thing that usually keeps me grounded both in my healthiest emotional state - and in my submission.

The newest discovery (and by new I would say in the last six months) has been the full embrace of the Daddy/girl dynamic.  The energy of it was ALWAYS there, but now I call Her Daddy. lol.  I guess that's really the only difference.  I don't always.  There are times it is "my Owner" and times it is "Syr" and times it is "Daddy" even though SHE is all three, all the time.

But this has been a good fit and a way to stay grounded in the power dynamics while our energy has been more on the basics - respect, staying calm through a time of transition, maintaining intimacy when life-stress abounds, etc. 

And so I have found that we've both been enjoying the ability to snuggle in and be sweet and soft together in that way that reminds us both that She's in charge - and I'm not.  Keeping it simple.

But this is just one thread in the weave of who we are and what we're doing.. and between it all there have been some much needed reminders that I am totally owned.  These reminders may come in the form of untying and removing Her boots, while kneeling at Her feet - or in the form of a much needed beating with the crop that left my ass and thighs covered in delightful bruises.  Either way, there are reminders. :)

There is more to come, more to share, and more to explore.  Stay tuned...