Good slave or Bad slave?

Syr was reading some posts on fetlife the other day and one thread in particular caught Her attention.  A question had been asked by a frustrated poster about whether or not readers hold their partners to impossibly high standards and how that helps or hinders them.  I was asked to review the thread and responses and write about it.

Honestly, this subject is so perasive in the kink community as to be well beyond redundant.  It seems one of two things is almost always going on: Either we're busy building up hype around the stereotypical standard of what makes a good Master or a good slave (or bottom, submissive, etc) or we're busy complaining about the impossible standard.

And ... honestly I've been a member of both camps.  In the first camp of building up the hype/stereotype it's often in relations to myself.  I find that I often measure myself against other submissives or slaves and questioning whether I'm good enough.  Really it's no different than the way I fall into the nasty habit of comparing myself to other women, other femmes, other coworkers, etc.  I seem to have a lot of old programming and old bad habits surrounding my perceptions of my self, skewing them.  The slightest mistake can leave me feeling worthless and unlovable.  It's hard to overcome this instinctual self-depreciation, especially after a period of bad behaviour or after losing my temper. :(

But, one thing is glaringly obvious - no sane person expects their partner to be perfect.  That impossible standard I sometimes hold myself to is my own - not my Owner's.  She is perfectly content to own me - even with all my imperfections.  She's knows I'm a work-in-progress and it is largely through Her endless patience and loving instruction that I have done so much growing during the time She's owned me.  Why then do I become so paralyzed with fear whenever I mis-step?

A huge part of my personality is to be a people-pleaser.  And who do I most desperately want to please more than my Owner, my Daddy?  It makes sense that I struggle with impossible standards that I set for myself.  But it makes more sense that I work on learning to trust.  She thinks I'm special, and so I am.