At Least One Thing

I think that anyone who is in a 24/7 dynamic, particularly in a family environment that involves kids will admit that consistency can be challenging - particularly when there is a lack of privacy, and a need to function in the vanilla world in a positive, healthy way every single day.

As an owned slave, I often find comfort and reward in the small acts of service, hidden in the guise of vanilla activities: Making a coffee or latte for Syr and putting that extra bit of effort into it, keeping the bedroom clean (er... when I remember to do so), getting Her lunch ready, surprising Her with a treat, meal planning and cooking an interesting and healthy dinner and always being sure to set the plate in front of Her myself.

I write a lot about new tricks, things Syr or I discover that can reinforce our dynamic while remaining subtle or suitable for being done in a small space in private, or things that are quiet. The reason I talk so much about it is because we are always looking for ways to allow our dynamic to thrive so that we stay grounded in who we are to each other.

Syr told me to come up with a topic on my own today - and I really struggled with it, thinking of all the things I have found curiousity-piquing, or otherwise interesting of late - things in our dynamic I've noticed lately or particularly enjoyed.

But then, almost out of nowhere, I found myself thinking "I wish there were at least ONE thing that Syr had complete, unequivicable, unquestioning, solid control over". This thought bears explaining, because the reality is there are many things that She controls... the list is actually fairly long. But of these, few are realistically perfectly unquestionable. There are allowances made because real vanilla life - happens. There is an element of reality in our dynamic - there has to be, and I get that. But I long for one thing, no matter how small or mundane, that Syr maintains control of 100% of the time, without exception.

I don't mean things like having to have permission to experience an orgasm, or having a chore like being responsible for the upkeep and tidiness of the bedroom or cooking dinner.

I mean - handing over 100% of the control over all things related to some simple activity. For years, I've seen slaves practice the protocol of having to ask permission before using the bathroom. I've always felt drawn to that one because it is such a necessary biological function that to hand over control of that completely would be an ever-present reminder of what it means to be owned. Yet I worry that it wouldn't be possible for it to be perfect in its consistency. Right now - it is easy for me to reach Syr while we are both at work, so it would be easy enough now. However there are times using the washroom is urgent, and if one of us is unreachable that makes it less realistic. And this whole urge to give over complete control of one thing is to give it up totally - not give it up 'only when home' or only when in each others company (though that has its benefits as well).

For the purpose of this idea, I feel it must be something similar though - something that is done daily as a part of normal, every day life.

What are things I do every day, regardless of where I am or what is going on in my life?

Breathe
Sleep
Eat
Drink
Use the bathroom
Speak
Drive (almost every day)
Walk
Recreation (knit? watch tv? play on the computer?)

Of the above, what would not be harmful or produce guilt in Syr if I had to deny myself that particular activity until I had permission?

Breathing ~ Hmm.. yeah lol this would cause harm and frankly asking to breathe is overkill don't ya think? Syr owns the breath in my body but this wouldn't exactly be suitable for having to ask permission first. ;)

Sleep ~ Asking permission to sleep has it's appeal, though reality dictates that when we're watching a movie with the kids and I fall asleep accidentally, that's not something She can easily enforce (subtly) or would even be interested in enforcing. Having to ask permission before coming to Bed or going to sleep for the night might be productive.

Eat ~ I seriously gave this one thought. It might be helpful in a number of ways, both as reinforcing my place as Her owned pet/slave AND in curbing impulse eating to have to ask for permission before eating anything (when I am in Her presence) or for permission to eat anything in excess of planned meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner) when I am not with Her.

Drink ~ Perhaps having to ask permission to drink anything other than water could be productive and serve as a reminder.

Use the bathroom ~ Well I discussed this above - I remain highly intrigued by the idea but wonder at the feasibility of consistency with this as it could cause physical pain or humiliation (of the not good kind) to have a bathroom 'emergency' and not be able to reach Her and I know that would NOT be something She'd find pleasing.

Speak ~ Perhaps for special occasions, having to maintain a "speak only when spoken to for x amount of time" might be an interesting experiment, to see how it affects me, and what it does to my headspace.

Drive ~ Now this one is interesting to me because driving always is initiated from home (except when returning from work) and would cause me no harm if I were unable to obtain permission and had to walk or take transit to get where I was going.

Walk ~ Ok, I have to admit a part of me gets all blushy and small at thinking of having to ask permission to walk upright - if only it were feasible. Alas, crawling around is not exactly subtle...

Recreation ~ Activities for my pleasure/enjoyment: this one is probably of all of these the most easily incorporated subtly and the least likely to cause some kind of negative fallback. The fact that it's the 'easiest' doesn't necessarily make it the MOST intriguing to think about - but it does bear consideration. Asking for permission to do something I wish to do for my personal pleasure such as watching television, movies, knitting, playing video games, play on the internet, etc is highly appropriate to an experiment such as this because:

A: it puts me in mind of who I'm thinking of (me) by wanting to do that activity and by having to ask permission first, it realligns my focus and reminds me that even while I do an activity for my personal pleasure/enjoyment I do so only at my Owner's will and as it pleases Her.

B: It gives Syr an opportunity to ask me to complete a chore or assignment first - and completely disables my ability to 'procrastinate' on things I know I am supposed to be doing - a nasty habit of mine. If I ask permission to watch tv and knit for example, She could simply give a conditional consent (IE Yes you may, after you tidy the bedroom/do the dishes/do some exercise) or even to deny me if She would rather my attention be on Her and not the activity in question.

C: If I am unable to reach Syr to get Her permission, I am unable to engage in a personally pleasing/entertaining activity which harms me not at all - though it would probably be good to discuss acceptable alternative activities at moments like those so that I know the boundaries of such a rule.

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I'd say of all of these I'm drawn to some of them for occasional use or only when we are together (permission to use bathroom, permission to eat, etc) and I am drawn to a couple others for their feasibility in being enforceable and my personal intrigue over the impact they might have (permission to drink anything other than water, permission to drive, permission to engage in personal entertainment).

And of these, it would be easy enough to come up with ways to seek permission in subtle ways or simply to *wait* (without concern that any harm would befall me if I had to wait to ask or skip the activity) until I could ask.

It's entirely possible that all of these would seem tiresome and boring to Syr. It's equally possible that She may find them highly enticing and appealing. I leave that to Her. But idea-sharing is something we have always done and I know She appreciates hearing my thoughts and ideas especially with creative ways to enforce and deepen our dynamic.

At the end of the day, in our inescapably vanilla world of jobs, budgets, stress, kids, and responsibilities we share - there could be huge benefits to finding at least one thing that we can apply with perfect consistency, no matter where we are or what is going on in our life together at any given moment. And that is what this exploration was all about...