Counting Down

For some reason, writing this entry has me all blushy and bashful!

I have become a rather faithful reader of persephone's blog, in large part because I find her dynamic very loving and enticing and psychological and much much more about the D/s than about S/M which can be hard to find these days - as so often it seems to be more about the physical than the mental (or at least that seems to be what people tend to write about, and read about most.

In any case, I have found several different things I've read about there to be quite stimulating and these things, in discussions with Syr have led to some incredible exchanges and realizations between us, whether modified or just outright tried as is.

Most notably of these is the new practice of 'quiet time', where Syr directs me to place my forehead to the floor (usually on my kneeling fur), or does it for me, from a kneeling position. Inspired by one of her posts, Syr just did it one day, and it has become a very very grounding and centering experience for us both - something that has enhanced and reinforced my submission. Nothing puts me in my place quicker nor brings me the soft, loving, peace of utter devotion as that does.

I should make clear that it is never about topping from the bottom or directing Syr. But we talk about everything, and when I find something interesting or stimulating or find myself curious about it, I often mention it. It's at Syr's discretion, afterward, if She chooses to try it, or implement it in some way. And - in fact - most of the things I read about that I find stimulating are simply not realistic to our dynamic.

For example, one of our biggest hurdles is 'sound'. We live in a small space and lack total privacy. Finding quiet, simple, and/or subtle ways to reinforce our dynamic is almost a hobby for us!

But I digress...

Syr has always had control over deciding where, when, and how often I orgasm. When being intimate together, I beg and do not experience release until Her command. Similarly, I must always ask permission before being allowed to 'play' on my own as well.

One thing that Syr has always enjoyed very much is being able to make me orgasm on Her command, whether physically touching me or not. We've discussed how these particular types of orgasms feel - the ways they compare and contrast to a physically achieved orgasm, and it's an honest and valid experience. When we were long distance, She took great delight in using this to her advantage. When first we began visiting - She loved little more than walking me down the street and whispering in my ear, watching me try to retain my composure.

Once, in a mall food court in a very small town, She sat across from me at the table and held my gaze, not allowing me to look away, and whispered the command to cum for Her again, and again, and again.

What recently caught my attention is the way that persephone's owner counts her down. I mentioned it at one point to Syr, and recently She has played with this tool a few times when being physically intimate. I must say it's been an incredibly potent experience because when She decides to start counting, I know I only have 10 seconds to physically reach the place She wants me to reach. It really puts me in my place and is a firm display of Her control and Her power.

Last night, Syr used the countdown while allowing me to play, something we'd done before. But, afterwards, once the toy had already been put away, She decided to count down again. Unlike in the past when the command to cum for Her (without touch) would come out of nowhere and hit quite suddenly, the countdown introduced an element of 'building' that has never been present for me in a non-physical orgasm before.

10... 9... 8... 7 and I could feel the heat in my center spread downward, building in intensity and I locked my eyes onto Hers, feeling that control, that strength.

6... 5... 4... 3... and it became a pulsing, red-hot focus, as I felt myself both wanting Her to hurry and wanting Her to slow so that it could build even more...

2... 1... and a single word: "Cum"

And I did. Harder than I thought possible with no physical stimulation.

It was a very intense experience that left me quite breathless.

Afterwards I gently teased Her that it was quite ironic that a countdown could be used both for Punishment and Pleasure.

When She starts a countdown at 5, it's a warning to act before She reaches 0. But when She starts it at 10, it's the buildup to a very nice reward.

She said.... "hmm.. so if I start at 7 or 8, what happens?", to which we both broke into laughter.