Coping

Coping as a lifestyle choice vs. coping strategies forget through tough life situations.

Syr asked me to write on this topic after a heavy discussion we had on Saturday morning about certain coping tools that I have. Syr wanted to hear my thoughts on the differences between coping strategies to get through a situation or situations and coping as a way to get through life.

I think the major difference lies in the ability to learn and grow and improve your life, to take responsibility for your own happiness.

Coping as a lifestyle choice, in my opinion, is making a conscious decision to do only what it takes to get by from one moment to the next. It's like choosing to do the very minimum required to keep from going stark raving mad. It doesn't really address solutions or making changes to improve the situation so that coping isn't necessary.

I've known, intimately, people who choose to live life by coping. They tend to be unhappy, in general, and are often convinced that they have no control over their situation. Hell - for a while I was like that myself.

As I've learned, grown, developed as a person, I've discovered my ability to take responsibility for my life, my happiness, my personal well-being.

There are parts of me that feel bruised, damaged or broken. Syr often reminds me that I'm strong, that I've come a long way, and that I'm constantly improving. Sometimes I find it difficult to see those improvements, and I start to feel like certain things will never get any better. Syr finds real examples to prove that they have been and are continuing to get better.

I've developed several coping mechanisms. Some of these coping mechanisms were subconsciously developed over time to protect me from certain types of abuse or mistreatment. Some of them were to keep me from having to step outside my comfort zone. Regardless, these coping tools make me feel like I'm not 'good enough'. I feel like I am handicapped in certain areas, crippled from being able to do the things I wish I could. Syr points out that the difference between coping as a tool and coping as a lifestyle lies in my desire to overcome the things that hold me back in whatever ways that I can.

There are no guarantees but at least I know that even though it's 'coping', it's temporary.... not permanent victim-hood.