Mild breath play has been something I have always found quite intoxicating. It sounds dramatic to explain it the way I feel it, but here goes anyway. It is this enormous feeling of trust and the giving over of power to another to submit to this sort of play. I say "mild" because I am not interested in more than a few moments at a time, ever. But, the feeling of having my Owner have this power over me is something that can not be duplicated in any other way.
The form of breath play I am most, personally, familiar with is Syr wrapping Her hand or hands around my throat, firmly. Sometimes She squeezes lightly which restricts my airflow for the breifest of moments, and sometimes She doesn't. With Her hand on my throat, though, the very knowledge that She could restrict my airflow and that I trust Her with this power is enough to bring me to my knees both metaphorically and physically. It drops me into little space so fast and hard and that feels really amazing. Her hand on my throat is one of the simplest gestures She can make that will instantly remind me who I am to Her, and who She is to me.
The other day, She stumbled on a new form of mild breathplay that in it's own right is very intense in a different way than Her hand on my throat. She wraps Her palm gently over my mouth and uses Her index finger and thumb to close my nose, restricting my ability to intake air. She only does it for a brief moment, and with the lightest touch, not rough in the least, and it is absolutely overpowering.
There is this base thought that She owns my very breath and can decide if She wants me to have any. That's the thought that I believe sounds dramatic. She and I both know that I could easily pull free and would if I felt threatened. I don't have any over-the-top belief that a 'real slave' would never pull away, and I certainly wouldn't endanger my life. But the incredible thrill is that I trust Her so much, with every fiber of my being, and trust Her to keep me safe. This isn't a belief, it's knowledge. It's fact. It is not somethng I can doubt, because it is true, therefore there is nothing to doubt. I don't doubt that the sun is yellow or the sky is blue. And I don't doubt that Syr will always act in my best interest. She loves me like no other ever could. So, keeping that in mind and returning to this base thought that runs through my mind that I am Hers to do with as She will, that even my body's breath belongs to Her, and that thought is both thrilling and humbling.
I really find myself at a loss for words for how exactly to describe it. All I know is at the moment it occurs, there is the briefest feeling of panic... incredibly brief... and then I am falling backwards into the safe and warm embrace of the unending trust I feel for Her, and all I feel is protected and taken care of, and incredibly owned.
2 comments:
And yet with your loss for words you expressed it quite wonderfully. I could almost feel the power exchanging hands as you described your feelings when she wraps her hands around your throat bringing you to your knees. Lovely.
--luna
http://www.the-iron-gate.com/blog/
i haven't really gone looking for it, but i've seen so few mentions of this kind of play... i haven't mentioned my experience of it in my own blog either. but there is something compelling about it...
personally i find the hands on the throat much scarier than having my mouth and nose covered, and i don't think i let go so easily as you. i have to commend you for that. my moment of panic is followed by the mantra "trust, trust, trust" and then, if i can get there, a feeling of fascination with myself for being able to trust that much.
still, though, not enough to fall into it and feel peace. i think that i shall think of this part of your blog as my inspiration in the future.
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