On feeling small...

Syr gave me a writing assignment today. She's observed since knowing me, that whenever I stand near Her, I slouch so that I am shorter than Her. I've never really been aware of it. It is very much an unconscious thing.

I've always described my submissive space as "little" space. It is the best way that I know of to describe it. I don't even know what else would be appropriate. "sub-space" doesn't describe how it *feels*. Saying that I feel "little" does.

And the interesting thing is, that Syr and I are basically the same height. In fact, I am about 1 inch taller than Her. I am not the type of person who cares about height on any kind of real level. I have told Her before that She is 10 feet tall to me when I am on my knees. It is true.

And yet, whenever I get close to Her, I slouch, I curl down, I lean into and up to Her. Perhaps it is that "safe" feeling I get by being 'lower' than Her. After all, I love that feeling whenever it happens. When She sits at the computer and I curl up next to her on the floor. I may not be "kneeling" or doing anything formally or obviously submissive, yet I adore the feeling of being beneath Her. When She puts me on my knees, I get that feeling. When She stands behind me and wraps Her arms around my waist and I can lean back against Her, I get that feeling. When She stands over me when I am sitting to give me a kiss, I get that feeling. And I *love* that feeling.

Perhaps, that is why I unconsciously change my posture to be 'smaller' than Her when I stand close to Her. I love feeling small by Her. It feels safe and intimate and special.

And, I love the way She responds to it. When I sit at Her feet, even in the most vanilla of settings, She reaches out and strokes her fingers along my head, petting me in a way. When I tip my head up to Her as She leans over to kiss me, She'll let her hands trail along my throat or the back of my neck. And when I curl into Her, slouching to be smaller than Her when we are standing, She wraps Her arms around me in this way that is protective and nurturing.

It is the littlest things sometimes that make me feel owned and protected, nurtured and cared for. This, I suppose, is one of those things.

It's only an inch or two, and I wonder if other people notice.

I doubt it. In my playful moments, I enjoy teasing Her that I am taller than Her. And yet, in my mind She is taller than me, bigger than me, stronger than me. She can put me on my knees with a single glance, and I melt into Her with a single look.

I suppose this is just another example of how our M/s dynamic, albeit subtle to the casual observer, is so completely 24/7, so completely consistent even when it appears to be at its most vanilla...