Speculum

Syr and I went shopping last weekend. We were in an adult toy store designed for women.

Syr purchased a fabulous new cock we have aptly named Big Red. I have never felt anything that magnificent before in my entire life... it was amazing. But, I digress...

While we were in the store, we walked by a counter with several of these plastic disposable vaginal speculums on display. I started when I saw them and immediately had a very intense image run through my mind. Syr, ever observant, noticed my reaction and stopped me right there in the store and demanded that I write about my thoughts on this item as soon as possible.

I'd never even considered this item before in any context. I don't exactly have the most pleasant memories of annual (lately, every six months) visits to the gynecologist. However, when I saw this in that toy store, the image that popped into my mind was me, lying spread eagle, my wrists and ankles bound so that I could not move, my bottom propped up on a pillow and Syr, laying on Her tummy between my spread legs with a birds eye view of the most delicate part of me. I could see Her using this tool to open me wide for Her, to see what I looked like, inside my most secret self.

The image alone made my face so hot with blushing that I could barely stand it. And I realized that, for me, having Her look at me there is incredibly intimate, incredibly "edgey".

When I know She is looking at me there, I drop very deeply into subspace. I get so little I can hardly move, or talk, or breathe. I noticed a similar reaction in myself when She groomed me for the first time, trimming me to Her liking. It's incredibly intense and requires huge amounts of trust for me to lie there and give in to that, to Her being so close and seeing me that way.

I react the same when She uses Her mouth on me.

I think I have a lot of built in programming regarding the taboos of attention on that part of me. Sometimes, Syr will mention that She can smell me, my arousal, and I never know quite how to handle that. Part of me feels ashamed and embarrassed and self cosncious. Part of me feels some sort of thrill at Her talking about it. And part of me is terrified and wonders if She likes it when She can smell me. Does it excite Her?

There is a lot of that fear in Her looking at me, there. And the idea of the speculum, of not just seeing what She can see naturally, but of spreading me open and looking inside. *shiver* It feels dangerous and edgey and scary.

And yet, I imagine that even the action of Her fingers, spreading me open as She looked at me would produce the same effect.

Scary....

Edgey...

Thrilling?