Face Slapping

I'd been hinting..

.. and just outright saying... lately.. that i wanted to explore face slapping with Syr.

Why? I'm not really sure. Something told me that it was safe to explore with Her. It wouldn't be about how hard She could hit me, and I knew it wouldn't be about the pain itself, but about the experience, the psychological effect.

Syr was hesitant, because it's something you have to approach with some delicacy. We had several conversations, discussing feelings and possible reactions on both our sides. She was concerned about context being incredibly important. She had playfully lightly slapped my cheeks before when we had been goofing off, which was what brought this fascination to the surface for me in the first place, but neither of us had approached it from a mor serious place at all.

And then, a little over a week ago, She took the next step.

I was on my knees at Her feet, looking up at Her, and with Her eyes locked on mine, she slapped my left cheek first with Her right hand. It wasn't hard, but my dear Goddess it plummeted me into little space faster than anything else ever has. She repeated, the slaps slightly harder and I don't know if I moaned or I whimpered but I felt that I must have.

I could feel the heat rushing through me. This was something that made me feel so incredibly owned. She used Her left hand on my right cheek, then, alternating firm slaps. I could feel the warmth in my cheeks and it sent jolts down my spine and straight to my clit. I could have writhed for Her, I could have begged for Her. The feel of Her hands on my face in that way was something I would have never dreamed could have been so pleasurable. But it was... incredibly so.

I could feel the inside of me churning with desire for more, and for harder slaps. Neither of us want Her to mark or bruise my face, but I wanted more, so much more.... it was amazing.

Even reliving it by writing about it has me squirming in my seat. I can imagine all the ways She might employ this technique. I understand, though, the need for caution when it comes to context. It has to be very clear to us both that we are in a D/s space, that we both feel safe and know that it's not just coming out of the blue. It has to be very deliberate.

But it's amazing.

I have this fantasy now. I can see me under Her as She drives Her cock deep and hard into me, holding Herself inside me, pressed so hard that my vision is blurred and then the slow deliberate tug on the back of my hair as She makes sure I am looking up at Her, the whispered command to open my eyes, to look at Her, and the gentle touch of Her fingers as she brushes the hair out of my eyes, clearing the way.... and then two or three carefully delivered slaps to my face, and as the heat spreads along my cheeks, She drives hard and fast into me, pushing me to that edge and holding me there like She loves to do... over and over again....

Speculum

Syr and I went shopping last weekend. We were in an adult toy store designed for women.

Syr purchased a fabulous new cock we have aptly named Big Red. I have never felt anything that magnificent before in my entire life... it was amazing. But, I digress...

While we were in the store, we walked by a counter with several of these plastic disposable vaginal speculums on display. I started when I saw them and immediately had a very intense image run through my mind. Syr, ever observant, noticed my reaction and stopped me right there in the store and demanded that I write about my thoughts on this item as soon as possible.

I'd never even considered this item before in any context. I don't exactly have the most pleasant memories of annual (lately, every six months) visits to the gynecologist. However, when I saw this in that toy store, the image that popped into my mind was me, lying spread eagle, my wrists and ankles bound so that I could not move, my bottom propped up on a pillow and Syr, laying on Her tummy between my spread legs with a birds eye view of the most delicate part of me. I could see Her using this tool to open me wide for Her, to see what I looked like, inside my most secret self.

The image alone made my face so hot with blushing that I could barely stand it. And I realized that, for me, having Her look at me there is incredibly intimate, incredibly "edgey".

When I know She is looking at me there, I drop very deeply into subspace. I get so little I can hardly move, or talk, or breathe. I noticed a similar reaction in myself when She groomed me for the first time, trimming me to Her liking. It's incredibly intense and requires huge amounts of trust for me to lie there and give in to that, to Her being so close and seeing me that way.

I react the same when She uses Her mouth on me.

I think I have a lot of built in programming regarding the taboos of attention on that part of me. Sometimes, Syr will mention that She can smell me, my arousal, and I never know quite how to handle that. Part of me feels ashamed and embarrassed and self cosncious. Part of me feels some sort of thrill at Her talking about it. And part of me is terrified and wonders if She likes it when She can smell me. Does it excite Her?

There is a lot of that fear in Her looking at me, there. And the idea of the speculum, of not just seeing what She can see naturally, but of spreading me open and looking inside. *shiver* It feels dangerous and edgey and scary.

And yet, I imagine that even the action of Her fingers, spreading me open as She looked at me would produce the same effect.

Scary....

Edgey...

Thrilling?

Punishment Vs. Reward

Syr asked me to write about punishment vs. reward in a specific context.

She wanted to hear my thoughts on how the same physical activity (say, a spanking) gets a VERY different reaction out of me if it's a punishment, than it does if it's a reward or for pleasure specifically.

I'm not really sure how to explain it, except to say that for me, most of our dynamic: my submission, and Her Dominance is a psychological thing. It's not about the physical actions nearly as much as it is about the words, the touch, the interactions between us, even something so simple as a look. But it makes sense when you really think about it. It is so easy for Her to drop me with something so simple as a look or a touch, without any words spoken at all, without any obvious aggressive touch.

When I am misbehaving, She will often hook a finger into the sterling silver bracelet I wear on my wrist as a symbol of Her ownership. That action will drop me like a stone every time. It reminds me instantly of who I am. I am Hers.

The same theory can be applied to something such as a "spanking". For most, a spanking makes a poor punishment. After all, many of us are masochists and enjoy such attention, regardless of why it's happening. And yet, psychologically, if She is spanking me because I have broken a rule, messed up, etc, generally I do not enjoy it. I react to it as a punishment. I can say that there are elements of the sensation that are pleasurable, sure but in my head what consumes my thoughts is that I am being punished, and that over-rides much of the pleasure I would feel.

It's no different than any other thing you enjoy. If someone gives it to you because they want to treat you, you enjoy it, you feel good about it. But if the sentiment is different behind the giving, the pleasure is affected as well.

For myself, in my head, it is the physical repercussion of a rule broken, and that is how it "feels" on many many levels.

If I am being honest, I will admit that whether the action itself is reward or punishment, sometimes the 'attention' of the punishment is a positive thing. It reminds me that I am safe, loved, protected. Punishment, just like reward, reminds me that I am owned and cherished, but most of all, it reminds me that I am Hers.