I think that anyone who is in a 24/7 dynamic, particularly in a family environment that involves kids will admit that consistency can be challenging - particularly when there is a lack of privacy, and a need to function in the vanilla world in a positive, healthy way every single day.
As an owned slave, I often find comfort and reward in the small acts of service, hidden in the guise of vanilla activities: Making a coffee or latte for Syr and putting that extra bit of effort into it, keeping the bedroom clean (er... when I remember to do so), getting Her lunch ready, surprising Her with a treat, meal planning and cooking an interesting and healthy dinner and always being sure to set the plate in front of Her myself.
I write a lot about new tricks, things Syr or I discover that can reinforce our dynamic while remaining subtle or suitable for being done in a small space in private, or things that are quiet. The reason I talk so much about it is because we are always looking for ways to allow our dynamic to thrive so that we stay grounded in who we are to each other.
Syr told me to come up with a topic on my own today - and I really struggled with it, thinking of all the things I have found curiousity-piquing, or otherwise interesting of late - things in our dynamic I've noticed lately or particularly enjoyed.
But then, almost out of nowhere, I found myself thinking "I wish there were at least ONE thing that Syr had complete, unequivicable, unquestioning, solid control over". This thought bears explaining, because the reality is there are many things that She controls... the list is actually fairly long. But of these, few are realistically perfectly unquestionable. There are allowances made because real vanilla life - happens. There is an element of reality in our dynamic - there has to be, and I get that. But I long for one thing, no matter how small or mundane, that Syr maintains control of 100% of the time, without exception.
I don't mean things like having to have permission to experience an orgasm, or having a chore like being responsible for the upkeep and tidiness of the bedroom or cooking dinner.
I mean - handing over 100% of the control over all things related to some simple activity. For years, I've seen slaves practice the protocol of having to ask permission before using the bathroom. I've always felt drawn to that one because it is such a necessary biological function that to hand over control of that completely would be an ever-present reminder of what it means to be owned. Yet I worry that it wouldn't be possible for it to be perfect in its consistency. Right now - it is easy for me to reach Syr while we are both at work, so it would be easy enough now. However there are times using the washroom is urgent, and if one of us is unreachable that makes it less realistic. And this whole urge to give over complete control of one thing is to give it up totally - not give it up 'only when home' or only when in each others company (though that has its benefits as well).
For the purpose of this idea, I feel it must be something similar though - something that is done daily as a part of normal, every day life.
What are things I do every day, regardless of where I am or what is going on in my life?
Breathe
Sleep
Eat
Drink
Use the bathroom
Speak
Drive (almost every day)
Walk
Recreation (knit? watch tv? play on the computer?)
Of the above, what would not be harmful or produce guilt in Syr if I had to deny myself that particular activity until I had permission?
Breathing ~ Hmm.. yeah lol this would cause harm and frankly asking to breathe is overkill don't ya think? Syr owns the breath in my body but this wouldn't exactly be suitable for having to ask permission first. ;)
Sleep ~ Asking permission to sleep has it's appeal, though reality dictates that when we're watching a movie with the kids and I fall asleep accidentally, that's not something She can easily enforce (subtly) or would even be interested in enforcing. Having to ask permission before coming to Bed or going to sleep for the night might be productive.
Eat ~ I seriously gave this one thought. It might be helpful in a number of ways, both as reinforcing my place as Her owned pet/slave AND in curbing impulse eating to have to ask for permission before eating anything (when I am in Her presence) or for permission to eat anything in excess of planned meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner) when I am not with Her.
Drink ~ Perhaps having to ask permission to drink anything other than water could be productive and serve as a reminder.
Use the bathroom ~ Well I discussed this above - I remain highly intrigued by the idea but wonder at the feasibility of consistency with this as it could cause physical pain or humiliation (of the not good kind) to have a bathroom 'emergency' and not be able to reach Her and I know that would NOT be something She'd find pleasing.
Speak ~ Perhaps for special occasions, having to maintain a "speak only when spoken to for x amount of time" might be an interesting experiment, to see how it affects me, and what it does to my headspace.
Drive ~ Now this one is interesting to me because driving always is initiated from home (except when returning from work) and would cause me no harm if I were unable to obtain permission and had to walk or take transit to get where I was going.
Walk ~ Ok, I have to admit a part of me gets all blushy and small at thinking of having to ask permission to walk upright - if only it were feasible. Alas, crawling around is not exactly subtle...
Recreation ~ Activities for my pleasure/enjoyment: this one is probably of all of these the most easily incorporated subtly and the least likely to cause some kind of negative fallback. The fact that it's the 'easiest' doesn't necessarily make it the MOST intriguing to think about - but it does bear consideration. Asking for permission to do something I wish to do for my personal pleasure such as watching television, movies, knitting, playing video games, play on the internet, etc is highly appropriate to an experiment such as this because:
A: it puts me in mind of who I'm thinking of (me) by wanting to do that activity and by having to ask permission first, it realligns my focus and reminds me that even while I do an activity for my personal pleasure/enjoyment I do so only at my Owner's will and as it pleases Her.
B: It gives Syr an opportunity to ask me to complete a chore or assignment first - and completely disables my ability to 'procrastinate' on things I know I am supposed to be doing - a nasty habit of mine. If I ask permission to watch tv and knit for example, She could simply give a conditional consent (IE Yes you may, after you tidy the bedroom/do the dishes/do some exercise) or even to deny me if She would rather my attention be on Her and not the activity in question.
C: If I am unable to reach Syr to get Her permission, I am unable to engage in a personally pleasing/entertaining activity which harms me not at all - though it would probably be good to discuss acceptable alternative activities at moments like those so that I know the boundaries of such a rule.
~~~~
I'd say of all of these I'm drawn to some of them for occasional use or only when we are together (permission to use bathroom, permission to eat, etc) and I am drawn to a couple others for their feasibility in being enforceable and my personal intrigue over the impact they might have (permission to drink anything other than water, permission to drive, permission to engage in personal entertainment).
And of these, it would be easy enough to come up with ways to seek permission in subtle ways or simply to *wait* (without concern that any harm would befall me if I had to wait to ask or skip the activity) until I could ask.
It's entirely possible that all of these would seem tiresome and boring to Syr. It's equally possible that She may find them highly enticing and appealing. I leave that to Her. But idea-sharing is something we have always done and I know She appreciates hearing my thoughts and ideas especially with creative ways to enforce and deepen our dynamic.
At the end of the day, in our inescapably vanilla world of jobs, budgets, stress, kids, and responsibilities we share - there could be huge benefits to finding at least one thing that we can apply with perfect consistency, no matter where we are or what is going on in our life together at any given moment. And that is what this exploration was all about...
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Counting Down
For some reason, writing this entry has me all blushy and bashful!
I have become a rather faithful reader of persephone's blog, in large part because I find her dynamic very loving and enticing and psychological and much much more about the D/s than about S/M which can be hard to find these days - as so often it seems to be more about the physical than the mental (or at least that seems to be what people tend to write about, and read about most.
In any case, I have found several different things I've read about there to be quite stimulating and these things, in discussions with Syr have led to some incredible exchanges and realizations between us, whether modified or just outright tried as is.
Most notably of these is the new practice of 'quiet time', where Syr directs me to place my forehead to the floor (usually on my kneeling fur), or does it for me, from a kneeling position. Inspired by one of her posts, Syr just did it one day, and it has become a very very grounding and centering experience for us both - something that has enhanced and reinforced my submission. Nothing puts me in my place quicker nor brings me the soft, loving, peace of utter devotion as that does.
I should make clear that it is never about topping from the bottom or directing Syr. But we talk about everything, and when I find something interesting or stimulating or find myself curious about it, I often mention it. It's at Syr's discretion, afterward, if She chooses to try it, or implement it in some way. And - in fact - most of the things I read about that I find stimulating are simply not realistic to our dynamic.
For example, one of our biggest hurdles is 'sound'. We live in a small space and lack total privacy. Finding quiet, simple, and/or subtle ways to reinforce our dynamic is almost a hobby for us!
But I digress...
Syr has always had control over deciding where, when, and how often I orgasm. When being intimate together, I beg and do not experience release until Her command. Similarly, I must always ask permission before being allowed to 'play' on my own as well.
One thing that Syr has always enjoyed very much is being able to make me orgasm on Her command, whether physically touching me or not. We've discussed how these particular types of orgasms feel - the ways they compare and contrast to a physically achieved orgasm, and it's an honest and valid experience. When we were long distance, She took great delight in using this to her advantage. When first we began visiting - She loved little more than walking me down the street and whispering in my ear, watching me try to retain my composure.
Once, in a mall food court in a very small town, She sat across from me at the table and held my gaze, not allowing me to look away, and whispered the command to cum for Her again, and again, and again.
What recently caught my attention is the way that persephone's owner counts her down. I mentioned it at one point to Syr, and recently She has played with this tool a few times when being physically intimate. I must say it's been an incredibly potent experience because when She decides to start counting, I know I only have 10 seconds to physically reach the place She wants me to reach. It really puts me in my place and is a firm display of Her control and Her power.
Last night, Syr used the countdown while allowing me to play, something we'd done before. But, afterwards, once the toy had already been put away, She decided to count down again. Unlike in the past when the command to cum for Her (without touch) would come out of nowhere and hit quite suddenly, the countdown introduced an element of 'building' that has never been present for me in a non-physical orgasm before.
10... 9... 8... 7 and I could feel the heat in my center spread downward, building in intensity and I locked my eyes onto Hers, feeling that control, that strength.
6... 5... 4... 3... and it became a pulsing, red-hot focus, as I felt myself both wanting Her to hurry and wanting Her to slow so that it could build even more...
2... 1... and a single word: "Cum"
And I did. Harder than I thought possible with no physical stimulation.
It was a very intense experience that left me quite breathless.
Afterwards I gently teased Her that it was quite ironic that a countdown could be used both for Punishment and Pleasure.
When She starts a countdown at 5, it's a warning to act before She reaches 0. But when She starts it at 10, it's the buildup to a very nice reward.
She said.... "hmm.. so if I start at 7 or 8, what happens?", to which we both broke into laughter.
I have become a rather faithful reader of persephone's blog, in large part because I find her dynamic very loving and enticing and psychological and much much more about the D/s than about S/M which can be hard to find these days - as so often it seems to be more about the physical than the mental (or at least that seems to be what people tend to write about, and read about most.
In any case, I have found several different things I've read about there to be quite stimulating and these things, in discussions with Syr have led to some incredible exchanges and realizations between us, whether modified or just outright tried as is.
Most notably of these is the new practice of 'quiet time', where Syr directs me to place my forehead to the floor (usually on my kneeling fur), or does it for me, from a kneeling position. Inspired by one of her posts, Syr just did it one day, and it has become a very very grounding and centering experience for us both - something that has enhanced and reinforced my submission. Nothing puts me in my place quicker nor brings me the soft, loving, peace of utter devotion as that does.
I should make clear that it is never about topping from the bottom or directing Syr. But we talk about everything, and when I find something interesting or stimulating or find myself curious about it, I often mention it. It's at Syr's discretion, afterward, if She chooses to try it, or implement it in some way. And - in fact - most of the things I read about that I find stimulating are simply not realistic to our dynamic.
For example, one of our biggest hurdles is 'sound'. We live in a small space and lack total privacy. Finding quiet, simple, and/or subtle ways to reinforce our dynamic is almost a hobby for us!
But I digress...
Syr has always had control over deciding where, when, and how often I orgasm. When being intimate together, I beg and do not experience release until Her command. Similarly, I must always ask permission before being allowed to 'play' on my own as well.
One thing that Syr has always enjoyed very much is being able to make me orgasm on Her command, whether physically touching me or not. We've discussed how these particular types of orgasms feel - the ways they compare and contrast to a physically achieved orgasm, and it's an honest and valid experience. When we were long distance, She took great delight in using this to her advantage. When first we began visiting - She loved little more than walking me down the street and whispering in my ear, watching me try to retain my composure.
Once, in a mall food court in a very small town, She sat across from me at the table and held my gaze, not allowing me to look away, and whispered the command to cum for Her again, and again, and again.
What recently caught my attention is the way that persephone's owner counts her down. I mentioned it at one point to Syr, and recently She has played with this tool a few times when being physically intimate. I must say it's been an incredibly potent experience because when She decides to start counting, I know I only have 10 seconds to physically reach the place She wants me to reach. It really puts me in my place and is a firm display of Her control and Her power.
Last night, Syr used the countdown while allowing me to play, something we'd done before. But, afterwards, once the toy had already been put away, She decided to count down again. Unlike in the past when the command to cum for Her (without touch) would come out of nowhere and hit quite suddenly, the countdown introduced an element of 'building' that has never been present for me in a non-physical orgasm before.
10... 9... 8... 7 and I could feel the heat in my center spread downward, building in intensity and I locked my eyes onto Hers, feeling that control, that strength.
6... 5... 4... 3... and it became a pulsing, red-hot focus, as I felt myself both wanting Her to hurry and wanting Her to slow so that it could build even more...
2... 1... and a single word: "Cum"
And I did. Harder than I thought possible with no physical stimulation.
It was a very intense experience that left me quite breathless.
Afterwards I gently teased Her that it was quite ironic that a countdown could be used both for Punishment and Pleasure.
When She starts a countdown at 5, it's a warning to act before She reaches 0. But when She starts it at 10, it's the buildup to a very nice reward.
She said.... "hmm.. so if I start at 7 or 8, what happens?", to which we both broke into laughter.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Hilarity in the Bedroom
Syr and I have a VERY healthy sex life, at least as far as my (biased) opinion goes. Our 'dry spells' last days, not weeks or months. We have a similar appetite though I think She would argue that I'm the more insatiable of the two of us. Generally speaking, however, the only thing that holds us back is life circumstances beyond our control (lack of privacy, time, social engagements, illness, other ailments, etc) rather than lack of mood. For this, I am quite grateful.
Last night was definitely one of those "it just isn't going to happen" kind of nights.
The evening began with some intense ranting and venting on Syr's part about some ongoing drama going on in our housing situation. She is stressing over that particular situation and She processes this stress by playing out all the potential what-ifs with regard to the next steps, outcome, etc. This stresses me out! My coping mechanism is a functional yet oddly hypocritical method whereupon I like to be prepared but also prefer not to think about it and 'cross that bridge when we get to it'. So generally this sort of venting leaves us both feeling a wee bit unsettled and/or tense.
However, I came up with a great idea to break the tension! We have a movie rental club membership and one of the newest arrivals was a spoof on American Pie (and an independent unrated attempt at making 'the gayest movie ever') called "Another Gay Movie". We had originally intended to watch it with the boys (having only the title and a review to go on) and thank GOODNESS we decided to watch it alone as a distraction from the tension.
It was unrated - and omg, was it unrated!! It was goofy but absolutely hilarious and filled with nothing but the gross-humour such as can be found in the American Pie movies - and worse, if you can imagine. It's a type of movie I normally hate, so I was both horrified at my spontaneous eruptions of body-wrenching belly laughs and the similar laughs escaping from my Syr.
An interesting, and equally horrifying/embarassing side effect was that quite a few of the more graphic (and way over the top) sex scenes between the male characters was just turning me on! And, equally interesting, was a curious little glint in Syr's eyes as well. I'd never watched gay male porn, and was more than a little intrigued to see these men even just kissing each other!
Afterward, in our amused and even more amusingly aroused state, we decided to have a quickie.
Okay... that's not quite accurate...
Syr and I were snuggling and I gigglingly suggested that it'd be really great to have a quickie, and if She'd consider it, I'd buy Her Starbucks in the morning and I also told Her that I'd make room in the budget so She could eat out at lunch!! We were both laughing a bit the whole time but then the mood shifted, just so, and we were wiggling out of our clothes quicker than anything and Syr was strapped up and ready to dive in within mere moments!
The goal was clear - hot, intense, passionate and... quick! Because it wasn't about duration, the intensity level was through the roof.
Suffice to say, Syr rocked my world - and then some. Obviously so, because 15 minutes or so into it, the bed beneath us caved in.
Seriously!
We both stopped what we were doing and burst out laughing - but since the timing was less than ideal, we forged ahead anyway to.. er... finish what had been started.
Afterwards, getting out of the caved-in-bed took some doing and I ended up kneeling on my fur while we fixed it. It was not technically broken, but rather the wood slats that hold up the mattress had shifted and fallen out of the frame from the er, motion. *snicker*
We looked at the bed.
Syr looked so proud as She exclaimed - "I fucked you so hard, I broke the bed!" Then she held up her hand for a high five and I complied quite happily.
We grinned at each other and gave each other high fives again - with both hands this time!
We broke the bed!! *grins* We rule.
It was just one of those hilarious, incredible things that I am quite sure neither of us will ever forget.
Last night was definitely one of those "it just isn't going to happen" kind of nights.
The evening began with some intense ranting and venting on Syr's part about some ongoing drama going on in our housing situation. She is stressing over that particular situation and She processes this stress by playing out all the potential what-ifs with regard to the next steps, outcome, etc. This stresses me out! My coping mechanism is a functional yet oddly hypocritical method whereupon I like to be prepared but also prefer not to think about it and 'cross that bridge when we get to it'. So generally this sort of venting leaves us both feeling a wee bit unsettled and/or tense.
However, I came up with a great idea to break the tension! We have a movie rental club membership and one of the newest arrivals was a spoof on American Pie (and an independent unrated attempt at making 'the gayest movie ever') called "Another Gay Movie". We had originally intended to watch it with the boys (having only the title and a review to go on) and thank GOODNESS we decided to watch it alone as a distraction from the tension.
It was unrated - and omg, was it unrated!! It was goofy but absolutely hilarious and filled with nothing but the gross-humour such as can be found in the American Pie movies - and worse, if you can imagine. It's a type of movie I normally hate, so I was both horrified at my spontaneous eruptions of body-wrenching belly laughs and the similar laughs escaping from my Syr.
An interesting, and equally horrifying/embarassing side effect was that quite a few of the more graphic (and way over the top) sex scenes between the male characters was just turning me on! And, equally interesting, was a curious little glint in Syr's eyes as well. I'd never watched gay male porn, and was more than a little intrigued to see these men even just kissing each other!
Afterward, in our amused and even more amusingly aroused state, we decided to have a quickie.
Okay... that's not quite accurate...
Syr and I were snuggling and I gigglingly suggested that it'd be really great to have a quickie, and if She'd consider it, I'd buy Her Starbucks in the morning and I also told Her that I'd make room in the budget so She could eat out at lunch!! We were both laughing a bit the whole time but then the mood shifted, just so, and we were wiggling out of our clothes quicker than anything and Syr was strapped up and ready to dive in within mere moments!
The goal was clear - hot, intense, passionate and... quick! Because it wasn't about duration, the intensity level was through the roof.
Suffice to say, Syr rocked my world - and then some. Obviously so, because 15 minutes or so into it, the bed beneath us caved in.
Seriously!
We both stopped what we were doing and burst out laughing - but since the timing was less than ideal, we forged ahead anyway to.. er... finish what had been started.
Afterwards, getting out of the caved-in-bed took some doing and I ended up kneeling on my fur while we fixed it. It was not technically broken, but rather the wood slats that hold up the mattress had shifted and fallen out of the frame from the er, motion. *snicker*
We looked at the bed.
Syr looked so proud as She exclaimed - "I fucked you so hard, I broke the bed!" Then she held up her hand for a high five and I complied quite happily.
We grinned at each other and gave each other high fives again - with both hands this time!
We broke the bed!! *grins* We rule.
It was just one of those hilarious, incredible things that I am quite sure neither of us will ever forget.
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