In the process, I stumbled on an old post - an exercise with a list of writing topics designed to grow in service. I didn't re-read the entire post but if I remember correctly, initially this idea came about through some online acquaintances - another D/s lifestyle couple. And then I tweaked the list of topics to be more relevant to me and Syr. I don't think it really went anywhere. I suspect I wrote on a few topics and then dropped the ball (oh, how very
I've had some trouble being consistent with writing, lately, so I thought this might be an exercise that would help keep me on track = or give me more topics to write about on days my writing feels "stuck". I think I did write on some of these topics already - but it would have been years ago. And it might also be interested to note which of the conflict things I've made progress on and which still need to be front of mind, and the like. Some of these topics may turn out to be irrelevant now, but I won't pre-decide until I get to that topic. So here, again, is the original list. I think what I'll do is post the list at the bottom of each post where I address these topics but cross out ones I've written about and add a link to that entry. Maybe. ;) We'll see.
Conflict
Checklist
Identifying when an 'issue' must be addressed right then.
Allowing for normal human emotion
Grumpy vs. angry, indirect vs. passive aggressive
Aim for at least a 60/40 split with Listening vs. Talking
How “mentally preparing” for next point interferes with listening
Explaining reasoning does not negate/erase feelings
Ask, don’t tell Owner what Her feelings are
Waiting for the answer after asking a question
Not defending/countering
Accepting the answer given as the only sane choice
How not doing these things invalidates Owner’s feelings/emotions
The Reminder: “Who Owns Who?”
The purpose of the reminder, why was it necessary?
Understanding the risk Owner is taking in doing the reminding
Taking a moment to be grateful
Pause and reflect on behaviour – in line with protocol?
“Stop” – Respecting Owner’s boundaries/need for space
Hearing & respecting the first time (always an order)
Ego Removal
Thinking / Understanding
Trust
Seeking reassurance – appropriate time and place
Resolving conflict productively
Assigning blame - why?
“I’m sorry” versus processing / expressing remorse
Trusting Owner to apply correction when required
Post-conflict self-abuse (mental/verbal/physical) = lack of trust
Wallowing/Dwelling
Service and Mindfulness
Can one exist without the other?
Ways to cultivate mindfulness
Identify your intentions
Continual removal of conflicting thoughts
Service to Owner as service to self
Orders
What qualifies as an order
Who judges whether a request is important?
Bargaining
Recognition/Reward – want vs. need
The positive effects of obedience
Being aware of Owner’s needs & desires
Offering vs. Being asked
Identifying, Understanding, & Banishing fear with trust
Practice, Practice, Practice
Avoidance & Anxiety
Identify the block / inner objection
Processing anxiety
What’s driving it
Trusting
Working within self-expectations
Desired level of service vs Minimum level (keeping it realistic)
Trusting Owner to decide what is/is not an acceptable level of service
Identify the pleasure - Service to Owner as service to self
Eye contact
Keeping focus when receiving direction
Maintaining focus when responding
Looking at vs. looking through
Corrections
Hearing the correction
Understanding the correction
Ego removal
Responding and offering gratitude for the Correction
Expressing Gratitude
What the hell for?
Understanding the service your Top provides
You probably need it – even if you disagree.
Spiritual self-work
Neuro-Elasticity vs. Samskaras
The joy of sticking with it
Processing “negative” emotions
Identifying uncomfortable emotions
Examining the root – why is it so uncomfortable?
What is the fear - what’s the worst that could happen?
What to do with these emotions
Is it necessary to express verbally?
Productive ways to do so
Identifying coping mechanisms / Ways to process productively
The discipline of focus
Visualize goal
Removing distraction
Motivating self through reflecting on success
Learning to follow
Being patient
Micro-management
Identifying what the fear is
Remembering to trust
Being flexible and open minded as service
Being comfortable without a plan / Spontaneity
Creating false objections to stay in ‘safe zone’
Letting go and letting Owner be in charge
Indecision
Identifying when struggle for control is the root
Asking for help when needed
Respect
Identifying Milestones
Identifying smaller achievements
Remembering smaller achievements
Rewarding smaller achievements (bidirectionally)
Protocol
All Settings
Mindfulness of Tone / Voice
LISTENING: Learning to unfilter verbal information
Identifying the filter
Acknowledging the obstacle
Listening to precise language
SPEAKING: Learning to unfilter verbal information
Identifying the filter / desire to spin
Acknowledging the obstacle
Speaking precisely
Remaining open to response
Integrating mindfulness
Answering Questions
Giving a straightforward answer
Avoidance and defensiveness
Answering a question with a question
Interactions with others
Vanilla settings
Addressing Owner
Tone used with terms of endearment, use of first name
Walking / Travelling
Food & Beverage
Dining out
Family Leisure time
Public – kinky/private settings
Addressing Owner – Syr, Daddy, my Owner
Expectation removal
Verbalizing desires
Desire vs Need
Accepting answers/responses – with trust
Food & Beverage Service
Playtime
Providing sensual service
Verbalizing headspace/mood
Removal of intensity / impulse to drive a scenario
Providing feedback
How expectation removal allows for full immersion in scene
Aftercare
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