What gratitude looks like

Today, I was talking to a friend - and during that conversation was reminded of a couple extremely pivotal times in my relationship and marriage with my Owner.

Twice, since becoming Hers, I have lost the right to wear Her collar. Two times. And we came very, very, very close to a third - that third - had it occurred, would have been permanent, I am pretty sure.

It's hard for me to think of these times. Syr never holds them over my head in any way. Rather, one time, not long ago, She mentioned that almost third time in passing... and just hearing it mentioned felt like a knife twisting in my stomach.

But the reality is that, in an odd way, I am thankful for that momentary pain. I wasn't in the moment. But I am now.

These reminders of how easy it is to get careless, to lose something so dear and precious to me, help keep me grounded in the gratitude of the present.

Syr has this little game She likes to play. Usually when I am being (playfully) grumpy about something. Or when She asks me to do something that in that moment is particularly unpleasant - and always in a teasing way. She'll prompt me... "Thank you for the opportunity to serve you, Syr."  And I'll brat and avoid and eventually begrudgingly say it - and this little game is all in fun and, not to worry, no genuine displeasure on either of our parts takes place.

But I was thinking about that, today. And about the times I've lost that opportunity.

I have had to work very, very hard to get to this place. And by this place, I mean a place where, most days I genuinely feel I deserve to be my Owner's slave. That I've truly earned this. I revel in small opportunities to serve. I like keeping Her home in good order. I like preparing meals. I like finding little ways to make things extra special. But that good feeling I get from service, wouldn't be there... at least not to the same degree... if I hadn't worked hard to get here. I truly believe that.

I think that in order to truly appreciate what you have, sometimes you have to lose (or almost lose) it.

Gratitude isn't just about appreciating. It's also about honouring how you got there.

So yes. I am immensely grateful for the opportunity to serve.