Accountability

Recently, I had a bit of a wake up call. A lesson about accountability.

Syr had established certain protocols around business. Things I was expected to do. And for the most part, I thought I was doing them.

But in reality, I wasn't. I was giving them a "nod". But I wasn't really integrating them or taking them truly to heart.

So we had a big talk that had a big impact on me, and I made some changes - suggested by me. Changes that would implement some direct accountability - self-reported by me.

And, already, I can feel a huge shift in the energy around these tasks. More accountability has turned out to be an enormously helpful thing - for both of us.

So, today, I'm basking in productivity, knowing that I accomplished far more because I am being accountable.

Sometimes service is more than kneeling and chores. Sometimes it's also about following through - and doing what I say I'm going to do.

Simple service

Sometimes, simple service looks like....

Making sure a nice dinner makes its way to the table...

And that you spoil Daddy with a DECADENT chocolate cake.

;)

Foreplay

Yesterday, when I got home for a bit of down time before having to go out again, things started to get heated between us - in the sexy way, that is.

And something about the way She was touching me. Stroking my face, kissing my neck, biting my neck. It felt... strong. She doesn't touch me in this hesitant way - as if I am delicate. But She can touch me gently, so gently. Her touch ... was all I was craving. 

And then one of us realized. We were doing that whole "foreplay" thing.... something that we often can't be bothered with, not necessarily out of laziness because hard and fast and intense and powerful and strong just seems to be our way - the thing that gets me really going. 

But not this time. This time I was melting into every kiss and every touch. Which is not to say that what was to follow was going to be all softness and romance and gentleness. Because what fun would that be? ;)

As things heated up, Syr made a playful comment about how nice it would be to have my hands tied overhead. We have an awesome bed setup, but one thing it does not have is anything even remotely like a tie down point. Not even a bed frame. It's a high, foamy mattress but no bedframe, no headboard... nothing. So I teased back that we were hardly set up with furniture that would allow Her to do that. She smirked. I had to go deal with the dogs briefly and when I came back...

She was playing with rope.

In less than 5 minutes, She had a system rigged up and me on the bed, cuffed and tied spread-eagle!

What followed was.... mind-blowing, to say the least. 

She teased me with feathers. She touched me. She fucked me. And then She rigged the Hitachi Magic Wand up, propping it against my clit.... and I came again and again and again and again - all while bound.

When She FINALLY turned the wand off and pulled me in close to hold me, I remember not being able to move my hands. Like at all! She'd turned me totally limp-wristed!! I was out of it. I couldn't move. I felt.... done. And in all the good ways I wanted to be done.

We had a little bit of time to snuggle and then it was time to get up, get bathed and dressed and ready for somewhere I had to be.

I think I'm STILL floating, today. 

And to think... it began with good ol' fashioned super-sexy foreplay... 

What gratitude looks like

Today, I was talking to a friend - and during that conversation was reminded of a couple extremely pivotal times in my relationship and marriage with my Owner.

Twice, since becoming Hers, I have lost the right to wear Her collar. Two times. And we came very, very, very close to a third - that third - had it occurred, would have been permanent, I am pretty sure.

It's hard for me to think of these times. Syr never holds them over my head in any way. Rather, one time, not long ago, She mentioned that almost third time in passing... and just hearing it mentioned felt like a knife twisting in my stomach.

But the reality is that, in an odd way, I am thankful for that momentary pain. I wasn't in the moment. But I am now.

These reminders of how easy it is to get careless, to lose something so dear and precious to me, help keep me grounded in the gratitude of the present.

Syr has this little game She likes to play. Usually when I am being (playfully) grumpy about something. Or when She asks me to do something that in that moment is particularly unpleasant - and always in a teasing way. She'll prompt me... "Thank you for the opportunity to serve you, Syr."  And I'll brat and avoid and eventually begrudgingly say it - and this little game is all in fun and, not to worry, no genuine displeasure on either of our parts takes place.

But I was thinking about that, today. And about the times I've lost that opportunity.

I have had to work very, very hard to get to this place. And by this place, I mean a place where, most days I genuinely feel I deserve to be my Owner's slave. That I've truly earned this. I revel in small opportunities to serve. I like keeping Her home in good order. I like preparing meals. I like finding little ways to make things extra special. But that good feeling I get from service, wouldn't be there... at least not to the same degree... if I hadn't worked hard to get here. I truly believe that.

I think that in order to truly appreciate what you have, sometimes you have to lose (or almost lose) it.

Gratitude isn't just about appreciating. It's also about honouring how you got there.

So yes. I am immensely grateful for the opportunity to serve.