Lately, I've been working on giving up more and more control - particularly when I notice old bad habits and dysfunctional behavior creeping up again. And by "when I notice", I mean when Syr points it out because it seems like lately I've been not noticing this stuff cropping up until after I've made a mistake. Often a big one. :(
So I'm working on it. Today was another moment of "ah ha" as I handed over control of my daily to do list to Syr. Sounds kinda silly to say that - like of course that should have been Hers this whole time. But it never really occurred to me to hand it all over like that.
Progress? definitely. Does it feel good? Safe? Healthy? absolutely!
There have been other big control shifts. I think it's easier for me to do this stuff now that we have less concerns over freaking out the youngest man-child, who still lives at home. He understands that we have a consensual power dynamic now that he's an adult. We still keep it subtle around him but there's less anxiety around trying to "hide" it. That makes little things like this way easier and more comfortable. I think it also makes it easier for Syr to remind me when I need reminding and to be more verbally aggressive when necessary to keep me in line - which in a way has eased a lot of stress for both of us, I think.
I'm happy with this latest development with the task list. Accountability has NEVER been a bad thing for me and usually results in a lot more mindfulness and awareness on my part.
Right this moment, I'm feeling grateful. And contained.
2 comments:
Good to hear that you feel grateful and contained and she is more aggressive in keeping you in line. Sounds like she is taking your relationship to a new level.
FD
Thank you! :) Seems like She's always taking me and our relationship to a new level.
Post a Comment