Remembering

Starting the day with some poignant reminders for myself... about respect.. my place... things to keep in mind when I communicate with my Owner.... and those sorts of things... has proven very helpful to maintaining a more respectful tone. It's also helping me re-ground. We were so busy for a couple months that it felt like there wasn't time to be mindful - which is (of course) ridiculous. But making the time, now, feels good.

Wednesday afternoon musing...

Things I'm thinking about today...

Gratitude - and working on respect in general, particularly when things get intense or tense.
Sex - Just craving my Owner's cock, a good hard romp, and playing with new flavours
Life and busyness - Wishing we had more free time for afternoon quickies and spontaneous play!
Service - feeling on top of the To Do list makes me feel like a better slave, and more peaceful in general.

Blowjob....

Spent a hot, steamy, shower fantasizing about serving Syr orally this afternoon.

It was a really, really, really nice shower.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Wanting

Today I'm full of wanting. I feel warm. Squirmy. Needy. Bordering on desperate.

I'm not sure why I'm so very responsive, other than that I feel contained and when I feel contained I feel freer to express all the desires in me.... maybe.

Or there's no reason at all and I'm just horny.

I have to spend most of my late afternoon and evening away from home but my mind is definitely on all the naughty things. This should be interesting....

Giving up control

Lately, I've been working on giving up more and more control - particularly when I notice old bad habits and dysfunctional behavior creeping up again. And by "when I notice", I mean when Syr points it out because it seems like lately I've been not noticing this stuff cropping up until after I've made a mistake. Often a big one. :(

So I'm working on it. Today was another moment of "ah ha" as I handed over control of my daily to do list to Syr. Sounds kinda silly to say that - like of course that should have been Hers this whole time. But it never really occurred to me to hand it all over like that.

Progress? definitely. Does it feel good? Safe? Healthy? absolutely!

There have been other big control shifts. I think it's easier for me to do this stuff now that we have less concerns over freaking out the youngest man-child, who still lives at home. He understands that we have a consensual power dynamic now that he's an adult. We still keep it subtle around him but there's less anxiety around trying to "hide" it. That makes little things like this way easier and more comfortable. I think it also makes it easier for Syr to remind me when I need reminding and to be more verbally aggressive when necessary to keep me in line - which in a way has eased a lot of stress for both of us, I think.

I'm happy with this latest development with the task list. Accountability has NEVER been a bad thing for me and usually results in a lot more mindfulness and awareness on my part.

Right this moment, I'm feeling grateful. And contained.