Obedience

So, let me get this straight.

She directs.

I obey.

Got it.

It's all easier said than done, of course, but I'm making big strides, and I feel pretty good about that. Everything I'd ever believed about 24/7 has been at least a little further from the reality than I could have expected - but the rewards of the reality are way way beyond my wildest imaginings.

It's easy to obey when we're all alone and I'm on my knees, Her collar locked around my neck and the handle of the leash attached to it, looped lazily over Her wrist.

But obeying when I'm standing in the kitchen, grumpy and tired from a long day at work when I stepped a little bit out of line with something I said and She's trying to stop a little bit of crankiness from turning into a full blown fight... well that's a different thing.

It used to feel almost impossible, and I rarely succeeded. But, lately, while it's hard - I know it can be done and I succeed more often than not. I may not succeed as much or as quickly as I would like, but it's still progress and I'm proud of it.

I'm learning (not just giving lip service to) some basic truths which are REALLY helping me in this effort...

1. She's in charge for a reason - because I trust Her - so when She orders me to drop a subject, or stop talking, or whatever, I trust that She will always, ALWAYS allow me to come back to it later - with a clear head and a respectful tone - if it is truly important to me (and She always has).

2. She has the right to speak to me more aggressively than I am allowed to speak to Her. She has the right to speak curtly, abruptly, or to speak to me in a tone that is not entirely to my liking. This does not somehow mean it is "fair" for me to do the same to Her, nor does it mean that She has been at all UNFAIR in choosing to use these forms of communication when they are necessary.

3. The reason She has this right is because I gave it to Her when I agreed to surrender to Her as Her slave. I gave Her that power because I believe She will never use it unless it is to my greater good. And I've never felt as if She's abused the Power she wields - ever. She's always been very cautious to act only for my greater good - sometimes to the detriment of Her own personal comfort. I believe in Her.

4. Life is GOOD when I obey. Not because I am 'under Her thumb' but because obeying Her means I am acting in ways that are most in harmony with my authentic self, without letting old negative programming have too much power. When I obey Her, things aren't always easy - but things certainly are harmonious. We don't argue over anything important, anyway, with rare exception - so that's not the kind of harmony I mean. I mean the kind of harmony when I know that I am being held accountable by Her and by myself to behave my best. This means that I feel better about myself, am more relaxed.... happier.

Growth is good.