Sunday, May 16, 2010

Chores and embedded D/s

My Owner requested an update on how I'm feeling about my chores.  It's been a while now. I'm not sure how long I've had daily little 5 minute minimum chores every day, but it's a pretty embedded routine now.

I think that there have been times that my consistency has been better (or worse) than at other times, but for the most part, I'm really keeping them in mind all the time.  Some days I do quite a bit more than 5 minutes in each room. Some days, I do just about 5 minutes exactly.  And, there have been days that I've spent just a few moments.  But I've also noted that if I have missed a chore for any reason, that I often play "catch up" and clean any rooms I've missed at my next opportunity, so I think I feel a certain degree of ownership over the chores and making sure they get done.

It is a small but constant routine, though, that reminds me that I am doing them because I am owned and it is an expected service. This, alone, has done wonders for my mindset because it is an anchor point for when I first get home from work. And since I have an anchor point at bedtime, too, with the sleeping collar and ankle-cuff/chain combo - I have an anchor point at either end of my workday evenings. This has been really helpful. Weekends are a little bit more relaxed as I generally am only supposed to be doing the laundry-folding, but I often find myself a touch more service oriented on weekends, anyway, since I have additional time.  I make sure to make my Owner's coffee most of the time on weekend mornings, for example.

I never thought I'd "like" chores, but the reality is that I have a sense of accomplishment for the little ways that this keeps our home more straightened up in the little ways that can more easily be neglected.  And it has made my Owner feel more nurtured which is a huge perk.

All in all, I'm still really happy with them and so glad my Owner implemented them and that I followed through.  We've really reached a new place with our D/s where it feels much more 'embedded' into our day.  Between chores, bedtiime rituals, punishments, and such I am a lot more mindful of my place in the household and relationship on a more ongoing and consistent basis.  This comes in handy when there is tension! ;)

An example....  Last night, Syr asked me to declutter my little shelf next to where my computer lives and - without over-analyzing - I totally reacted badly .... well overreacted really and was all kinds of out of line with tone and word-choice and stuff. I was getting so mad and upset and after arguing with me a bit, right in the middle of a tense moment, Syr just finally looked at me and said "You need to stop right now, go sit down on the couch and be quiet for a few minutes".  I just looked at Her, the urge to say something, ANYTHING, was so strong. I opened my mouth and then shut it again and went and sat down.  I felt as if I had been put on a 'time out'.  So I just sat there quietly and thought about my behaviour (and obviously quickly realized I'd been behaving badly).  Then, I had to fight the urge to try to "fix it" by offering an apology. I reminded myself that if Syr asked me to sit quietly for a few minutes, then Syr would tell me when it was time to talk again.  I was actually mentally playing through all the scenarios of how long that might be. I pictured Her keeping me on 'quiet time' until it was time to sleep and how I would kneel by the bed but still not say anything (even apologize - eek hard!) until She told me to get into bed..... I went through all the possibilities and told myself that no matter what I was going to be quiet until She invited me to speak again, because that was all about trusting the order She'd given. It was really quite the mental process and I was actually really proud of how trusting I was able to be at that point.   Thankfully, after about five minutes, Syr asked me some questions about the argument and i was feeling very softspoken and contrite and was able to answer Her questions respectfully.  When She was done, I paused for a few moments and then apologized, sincerely, for my bad behaviour.  And we went to bed, both content with how things had been resolved.  

This sort of interaction just wouldn't have happened like this even a few months ago.  But the more embedded the D/s gets into our day to day world, the easier it gets to allow it space when it is needed.  I feel very grateful for this new level of consistency and reality within the power exchange of our relationship.

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