Ahh... surrender.

Perhaps all that is ever needed is for the other areas of our life to fall into place in such a way that we have the freedom of energy to express ourselves to one another the way we wish we could all the time.

I don't know all the answers, or maybe even any of them, but one thing I do know is that when our home really is our sanctuary, it becomes my Owner's castle, and truly Her domain. We've had a lot of stress in the last year in our home, stress that had nothing to do with our family or ourselves but rather an outside stressful influence. That and Syr's job were both huge sources of stress. That stress bled its way into every area of our lives.

It is only now that the Universe has cleared away a lot of those outside stressors, that we are even realizing how very much it affected us, bled into every area of our life.

The biggest impact was the energy between us, that which is raw and real, not the muted energy that tends to float around us when we are just... getting by.

Well, the reconnect time we had planned, was almost more about hitting the 'reset' button, then necessarily reconnecting in all the ways we had planned. Since that week of blissful privacy, a lot of life changes have been set into motion that have found us rediscovering energy that was lurking in the corners of our world, the energy is now creeping more and more back into the light.

Since my last post, Syr has been opening me up all over again, peeling back - so slowly - the petals that had closed tightly around me. She has been my Daddy, holding me while I cried tears of stress and anxiety. She has been my Syr, growling in my ear and placing my forehead to the floor, hands tangled in my hair. She has been my Owner, pressing into me with brutal force, claiming me absolutely and demanding my tears of release.

The other night, She laid me out bare and open to Her. Thighs spread, my deepest secrets revealed for Her inspection. She refused to let me shy away from Her gaze, to close my thighs or cover myself. It was not the first time, but it was somehow different. This time, more intense, less.... forgiving of my shyness. Her expectation was clear. Each transgression resulted in sharp reminder-slaps to my inner thighs. And when my Owner decided to deliver a few sharp smacks my exposed, tenderest flesh, I felt myself shudder and yelp with the pain and utter delight of being claimed.

Something was different as she delivered each slap with full intent. It wasn't about the sensations I was experiencing in receiving them - as much as it was about the sensations She was experiencing in delivering them. It was as if, She was feeling ... validated in Her ownership, perhaps in a way She hadn't before, or perhaps more intensely than She had before.

And when She took me, driving into me with all Her raw power and possession, I felt Her keenly, all of Her. The energy flowed freely between us, unblocked by other things, other thoughts, other stresses. There was only us, as She blinded me to everything in the world but Her. She pressed all of Her into me, with driving relentlessness, demanding one thing -

My total and complete surrender.

And with an explosion of myself and a release of all that has been, and the faith in what is and the belief in what will be, I gave it to Her.